Tidbits

I don't take many pictures (or I never get around to uploading them) of things that don't involve my kids.  I also don't blog too much about things they aren't involved in.  So I'm thinking once a month or so I'll just post a little of the random stuff that's more about Josh and I.

First off, we celebrated our anniversary!  Josh took me to the Melting Pot and we had a good time.  We had Ethan with us but he was decent.  Awake, but mostly content.  I liked it a lot but Josh wouldn't give it 5 stars.  Only Ruth's Chris gets 5 stars.  It was nice to be able to get out alone-ish so soon after having a baby.  Next year is 5 years....what will we do?

Josh had his Birthday.  We used our bounce back passes at Lagoon, split up the kids, and went out ALONE!  First time kid free since Ethan was born.  It was fun.  It was so hot when we first got there, but luckily within an hour huge black clouds came rolling in.  After ten minutes of rain it cleared up a little and was twenty degrees cooler.  We went out to dinner with Josh's mom and grandparents on his actual birthday.  

Our TV broke.  On the 4th it turned off suddenly and we thought Josh hit the power button accidentally.  Well it wouldn't turn back on.  We thought it was the remote because out kids have practically ate it multiple times.  Turns out there really aren't buttons on our TV.  There is a weird way to turn it on, but I don't think it's ever worked.  We had a repair guy come out and the board is fried.  So after two years we've had to say goodbye.  It isn't worth it to replace the board when it's not too much more to buy a new one.

I started running again!  Does this need any explanation?  I've ran a few miles and hope to get my endurance up quickly.  I do need to go to the chiropractor though.  There is something out in my lower back that I can't pop or stretch back into place.  

There are a few other things that have happened, like Ethan's baby blessing and Elli make dirt angels, but those deserve their own posts.

5 kids

For most of last weekend we watched my three nieces.  Overall it was pretty good.  I felt bad for my nieces because we don't have many older toys, but they found a few things to entertain them.  They were all pretty good and helped out when I asked them too.  Only Michael seemed to have a tough time, but he loves his cousins so he got over it quickly.

Because of their ages (they are all about two years apart and the youngest is 18 months older than Michael) and the fact that they look like my kids led to some interesting looks and conversations.

Sunday we had a Regional Conference instead of normal church meetings.  We just went to our normal church house, but there were a few wards there.  We got a lot of interesting looks.  I overheard someone in our ward trying to figure out where the extra kids came from.  I'm still not sure if they figured out they weren't ours, or if they think Josh has kids from a previous marriage.

On Monday I had to run to the grocery store and pick up a few things and took them all with me.  People just stared at me and shook their head.  Well, a lot of older ladies smiled, but anyone under fifty just stared wide-eyed.  It probably doesn't help that I'm very obviously pregnant.  When I was checking out the cashier even asked if I knew what I was adding to my brood.  Yup, she called them my brood.  I just told her I didn't know and left, I didn't want to correct her.

So is it when you hit 5 kids that people think you are crazy?  Or is it when they think you are about to have 6 kids?  

4 years later...

This is very long, like most of my posts :P, so skip through if you want to.

A lot of my facebook friends that I went to high school with are all posting about graduating.  Some are married, most aren't, and none of the others that have a kid are graduating.  It's bittersweet for me.

I never pictured myself getting married young.  For one reason or another I always thought I'd get married when I was around 30.  Of course that dream of mine involved me going to Medical School so it made a lot more sense.

When I did get married at 18 I rethought my plan a little.  We would both go to school and graduate, then think about having kids.  I even researched the easiest years in Medical School and found that between first and second year was probably the easiest time (not that it would be easy in any way) to have a child.  Right before your first year you could be moving across the country, and I had to think about Josh getting a job.

Well, Josh and I both had a really strong impression we were meant to have a child.  In fact, it was more of a slap in the face.  So six months after being married we really discussed it and what it would mean for our plans for the future.

I should add a little about Josh here.  Josh knew exactly what I planned for my life when we got married.  He knew I wanted to wait five years to have a baby, and he was fine with that, especially since I would only be 23, and he would only be 27.  As far as me working though, we never saw eye-to-eye on this.  We both knew we wanted someone home with the kids, but didn't know how we would make that work.  He always wanted a large family, but knew that I never planned on one.  Somehow we both got married knowing we could possibly spend years and years fighting over this.

After a month or two of discussing the logistics, especially financially, we dived in.  It took a whole day for me to get pregnant.  When we did the math we knew this wasn't just a fluke, we were meant to have a baby.

Well we had Michael.  A mixture of postpartum and looking at our future plans again led us to having another baby.  Five months later we were pregnant again.  Elli was born and we examined our plans again.  At this point we still felt it was possible for me to be a doctor.  We saw that I could stay home with the kids until Josh was done with school then I could finish, just a few years behind schedule.

Months passed and we didn't look at our plans again.  In fact, we avoided that discussion completely.  One day I joked that we should just get off birth control for a month and see if we got pregnant.  If we did it was meant to be, if not we were done.  We both realized that we had been thinking the same thing, we weren't done, but we didn't know what to do.  Without thinking about future plans, we decided to have another baby.

When I got a positive pregnancy test Josh didn't know how to respond.  He was happy, but scared that I would be upset about our future plans not working out.  To his surprise I was very excited.

That positive sign has changed a lot for me.  I've given up my dream of being a doctor.  All of my future plans are gone.  Who knows when I'll go back to school.

When I see a new post related to graduation I'm not jealous anymore, I'm not sitting around thinking about when it will be my turn.  Lately every graduation post has made me happy that I'm a mom.  I could have put off having kids, but what would I have gained?  Eventually I'll get a degree, so I don't really see that counting against me.  I could have maybe gone to Europe.  I'd probably own nice clothes and a new car.  I possibly could have been the same size I was in High School.  But what would I have lost?

I would lose Michael running into my room every morning with a wet kiss and telling me to wake up.  I would lose Elli's cute giggles every time she pulls a sock out of a drawer.  I would lose feeling this third baby move around every time Michael and Elli attempt to sing 3 Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed.  I'd lose Michael telling me every letter he recognizes on every sign.  I'd lose laughing every night at the crazy position Elli decides to sleep in.  I'd lose a million little things that mean a lot more to me than any future plans.

So four year later I can honestly say I'm glad I'm not graduating.  I'm glad we chose the path we did.  What would I do without these cute kids?

Week's Worth of Groceries

Have any of you seen this picture on pintrest before?

Sorry I can't make it any bigger, but here's a link.  It really interested me to see what some of these cultures eat and drink.  I laughed when I got to Germany and saw all of that beer.  When I saw Japan I thought maybe most of that bagged stuff was tofu, but that would be a lot of tofu.  I expected to see more of...well anything from France.  I pictured more bread and wine.

So I thought I'd compare my week with the week from the US.  The only thing I left out is 2-3 meals out a week for Josh or the kids and I (since we rarely go out together).  

Yes, I know that's a lot of tomatoes, I'm making homemade tomato sauce.  

What's funny is that Elli's portion is the smallest and probably the most expensive, but I'll blame that on the formula.  See the bananas, apples, and grapes?  Well if you picture that with the whole milk, half the eggs, half the cheese, and the bread, you have Michael's food for the week.  You might think I'm joking, but I'm not.  That fruit might not even last the whole week with him.  

Originally I was going to write this post to say that I don't think these pictures are really accurate.  Then I realized they probably are.  If you look at the US family, take away the pizzas, chips, and soda, and then add a couple fast food meals to my picture they look similar.  I don't have as much food as they do, but my kids are just that: kids.  They are not teenage boys.  When Michael is a teenager half of my table will be devoted to him, and I'll need a much bigger table.  

Anyone else want to do this and see if they don't fit the stereotype?

Being a parent...

....means the wins are few and short lived.

I don't mean for that to sound like parenting is horrible.  It is the exact opposite, but the statement is still true.

A few weeks ago we went to the grocery store and discovered Michael was picking grapes out of the package we hadn't paid for yet.  When we took them away he had a complete melt down in front of everyone.  That was a fail for us.

I took Michael to the zoo alone last week and let him walk around while I had Elli in the stroller.  For those of you that know the zoo you will laugh when I tell you we only made it to the elephants.  He wanted to do his own thing, climb on everything imaginable, and stare at the baby elephant for half an hour.  He didn't respond to me asking him nicely to stop climbing on the benches, he didn't respond to my threats when he was climbing up fences, and he didn't follow me when I walked away hoping he would come after me.  That was a big fail for me.  I became the mad mother at the zoo instead of the one who gently controls her kids, and encourages them to do things by positive reinforcement.

Then there's the fact that Elli is 8 months old and still doesn't sleep through the night.  Yup, big fail right there.  Of course, there are other factors involved in that, but still a fail.

Then yesterday happened.  Something just went right yesterday.  We went to lunch with Josh and the kids were happy, well mostly.  Josh had a class so he stopped home and we all headed up to campus.  I dropped him off and I took the kids to the zoo.  Michael walked the whole time and Elli was in the stroller, and both kids were completely content.  Michael loved it.  Elli was happy and smiling.  Everything was great.

Even though there are a lot of fails, I still find try to find the joy (or the humor) in them.  No, it wasn't great for Michael to be yelling at the grocery store, but I couldn't stop laughing when I noticed him sneaking grapes.  The zoo was painfully boring when he stared at the elephants for half an hour and tried to climb in with them, but it was adorable to hear him call them puppies every 20 seconds.  I don't love the fact that Elli still wakes up at night, but I do love holding her in my arms when she falls back to sleep.

Parenting is full of mistakes, fails, headaches, embarrassment, shock, and diapers.  It is also full of love, laughter, joy, and to make you feel like you can really do it, occasionally a win.

Things that only happen when I run

I've started running again here and there.  When Elli has woken up 5 times during the night and I have to work, or worked the night before I just don't make it.  Since Elli wakes up 5 times every night that's not really an excuse, but I'm still using it. 

On the days I don't have the energy to rationalize not going and finally get my butt outside I've noticed the following happen:

• I like waking up, after the run of course.  When I'm rolling out of bed every day around 6:30 I really just want to go back to bed.  After I run I'm happy I didn't make Michael cry it out until 7.  It's also easier to forget that Elli woke up at 10, 12, 2, 4, and 6.
• I like taking cold showers.  Josh will greatly appreciate this because normally I use up all of the hot water for the rest of the day.
• Dishes get done.  When I get home I shower then put kids down for naps, but I'm too wired to go to sleep, so I usually clean.  Or in this case blog.
• Michael is extra cranky after his nap.  Well it couldn't all be good.  He usually didn't get out the energy he needed to before his nap and is now groggy and hyper.  Usually he is crying as he runs head first into walls and doors.  Then he cries harder because he got hurt.  When I try and pick him up or kiss him better he screams.  I think I need to stop at a park on the way home, but Elli usually doses off a little and wakes up whenever I stop pushing.  Maybe I need to figure something else out.

Unfortunately I don't have extra energy.  I don't see the results.  I don't feel the results, except sore feet and knees.  Hopefully that will change soon, you know, when I'm not gasping for air like I've been drowning and hanging on to the stroller for dear life.

Perfectionism

I'm an all or nothing kind of person.

I want 10 kids or 2.

I want to start 3 quilts, two cross-stiches, and a painting project all at once, not just one at a time.

I will deep clean the whole house, or nothing will get done.

I will make a healthy, fancy dinner, or Josh makes dinner.

Why am I this way?  I blame it on being a perfectionist.  If it's not perfect I really don't see the point.  I get these big ideas in my head about how I can manage everything perfectly and dive right in.  I mean, why put my name on something that I know isn't great?  Yup, I agree with you, poor Josh. 

This will never, and I mean NEVER change.

In a way this is what I love most about myself (not my brutal honestly, which I hate most about myself).  While I procrastinate things that I know I can't do perfectly at the time being, they will get done, and as close to perfect as humanly possible.  A lot of times I take on too much.  Sometimes I end up overwhelmed, or I have to put something away for a while (which has happened to too many of my sewing projects), or sometimes just take a step back and refocus.  In the end I am always happy.  There might be a little stress involved but at least it ends up perfect.

I would like to add that Josh read this post while I was typing it and starting laughing at the truth of it all.  He would like to add more of my crazy perfectionist tendencies, but I thought it made me sound a little too crazy....so I'll leave the list as it is.

Magic age is 6?

I read an article that said 3 kids is the most stressful amount of kids.  Even four or more kids aren't as stressful.  I thought this was interesting and read the comments on the article.  A lot of them agreed 3 was stressful.  Some with more kids tried to state that after 3 they just relaxed more and stopped needing everything to be perfect.

Now I believe this to a point.  But I see something else.

If you have 3 kids, and the average age between them is two years, then you have kids that are 4, 2, and newborn.  IF you wanted a 4th you would consider it when they were 5, 3, and 1.  From the study and comments most people don't consider it.

Now assume you had that 4th child.  You have a 6, 4, 2, and newborn, but something seems easier?  It didn't make sense to me until I realized this has to do with the age of children. 

6 years old.  What does that mean to most Americans?  School aged kids.  If your kids are 2 or more  years apart then your 4th would be born when your 1st is in school, 5th when the 2nd starts school, and 6th...wait, who has 6 kids these days??

So the reality is that once you have more than 3 kids it will feel like you only have 3 because the oldest will be in school.  Well, at least for 8 hours during the day.

There are a few other things to consider.  At 6 you start extracurriculars (you can start earlier but most kids are in something by this point), so right after school you're off to ballet or basketball.  Once you have a 6-year-old they listen better, so you're not as stressed out with that child as with the 2-year-old coloring on the walls.  Also, what if you do have more and more kids.  7 kids at two years apart are 12, 10, 8, 6, 4, 2, and newborn.  Unless the 4 oldest are all boys you will probably have one girl who would love to hold the newborn all day.  The 8, 6, and 4-year-old can probably keep each other entertained.  While you do have to worry about all of them, they entertain each other a lot more. 

So from all of my thinking and rationalizing it seems like the magic age is 6.  If you can survive until your oldest is 6 then adding another one will be hard, but a lot easier than adding #3 was.  I'll admit a lot of this is my personal thinking, but there is some logic to it.  If I ever get to the point where I want to add #4 I need to re-read this just for the logic of it and see if it is total BS or not!

Homeschooling

Lately I've thought about homeschooling.  I've made a pro's and con's for possibly homeschooling through elementary school. 

Pro:

• My kids can learn more of what they want.  I would follow a curriculum, but if they really enjoyed learning about Greek myths then we can spend extra time on it.
• School is a waste of time.  When I was in school there was so much down time.  We usually were told how to do our math and then had an hour to do it while the teacher helped anyone who didn't get it, but we were encouraged to ask our neighbors before going to the teacher (but told that we couldn't talk to each other about anything not math related).  I didn't develop my love of reading until probably high school, so during that down time I did nothing.  There were days where the teacher would read books to us after lunch.  We weren't required to do anything but listen, we were even told to sleep if we wanted to.  Some days I came home feeling like so much of the day was wasted.  Most programs I've looked into are 3-4 hours a day max. 
• I can control what they learn about.  This isn't some power trip.  I can gauge my kids better than other people.  I can tell if they are really ready to learn something or not.  I can tell if they are ready for health class or not, not the average maturation program at 10.  When I was in 3rd or 4th  grade we learned about the eyes.  Eyes make me queasy.  I've gotten much better, but that day I sat at my desk with my head down ready to throw up.  The thought of something happening to someones eyes still make me a little sick.  I would be fine with my kids telling me that this really isn't making them feel good and I could stop.  It could be the same with war, or reading To Kill A Mockingbird.
• They can be a little sheltered.  Now sheltering your kids isn't always the best thing, I know.  I would like to wait until they are ready to learn certain things, not just force the world on them.  Sheltering can cover everything from swear words to the truth about Santa Claus.  Now I'm not saying they will always be naive, you hear every swear word on tv now and the news is full of things to keep kids in the real world.  But I'd like to not explain at the age of 6 that the "F" word shouldn't be said.  I'd like to save that until maybe 9 or 10.  I want my kids to be kids a little longer
• I can still provide the extracurriculars.  We can still have something similar to recess like going to the park.  We could even stay at the park longer than 15 minutes (is recess still that short?).  They can eat lunch and then go outside if they want, or play inside.  We could do music lessons during the day.  We could meet up with other homeschoolers for some social interaction.  Field trips could happen once a week instead of twice a year.
• They won't have excuses for some of the things kids today "need".  I will still buy my kids decent clothes, but they don't have to be Abercrombie Kids.  They probably won't ask for that stuff because they won't see it as much.  They also won't need a cell phone, or whatever will be the new thing in 5 years.  I used to teach piano and one of my students that was in Elementary had a cell phone....I thought it was ridiculous.  Why would they need a cell phone?  I'll know where they are, they will know where I am. 

Cons:

• They could be weird.  I say this in the nicest way, if it can be said in a nice way.  They might not have the social interaction they need.  They might end up too sheltered.  They might be scared of the real world (even though I think homeschooling could prepare you for the real world better than high school).
• They need to learn discipline (and respect).  I worry that as their parent I can't teach them this as well as a teacher.  However, some teachers do things out of fear, not respect.  Like threatening the principles office instead of talking to them and teaching them respect for others.
• Would they listen to me?  My mom tried to teach me piano once....horrible idea.  On the other hand, would this make it so they would listen to me more?
• Would they need to go to school for just a week to understand what school is like so they can sit and do what we need to do?  Or can they just pick it up out of nowhere?  Do they see it enough on tv to get an idea?  Do I just sit them down one day and say we are starting school today, so we will be sitting here for the next 2-3 hours.  I'd have a mutiny on my hands.
• Can I maintain my sanity?  I would like to think so.  Reading Charlotte's Web and going over spelling words, showing them pictures while teaching a history lesson, making human skeletons out of paper with the bones on them, and doing math flashcards sounds like an awesome 3 hours with my kids, leaving the rest of the day free for going to the zoo, the park, the store, field trips, all of the sports they will want to do, and hopefully some play-dates. 

I really want to try, but I'm nervous mostly about my kids being weird thing.  I know in Utah kids can go to middle and high school part time to take advanced classes or extra curricular's, so that might work.  They can also play sports for the schools.  So maybe by doing that they won't be so awkward?  It's finding the perfect balance of everything. 

I also know what curriculum I would use with my kids IF I ever did do it. 

Maybe I could try just through pre-school first, but preschool is $$.  If it doesn't work then they can go to school the next year and not worry about me ever trying to actually teach them again.

Subjective Grading vs Subjectiveness

(This is a long and probably boring post :))

Last Sunday Josh and I went to his moms house for dinner.  She has had some people living with her recently so she has been sorting/organizing/getting rid of things.  She found some books Josh wrote in fourth grade.  We read them and had a good laugh.  Now, these were cute books - the typical books you see from a kid - but they weren't spectacular.  Josh and I were talking on our way home and he told me he got a horrible grade on them.  I told him about how I had to write a few books in Elementary and I always got horrible grades on them.  That is why he's an engineer and I was always a Biology Major.

While I say this I will add I have a very different style of writing.  You might not see it as much on my blog as you would if I actually wrote a story, but it is more unique.  Through middle school my teachers realized that I write that way.  Not saying I'm amazing, just different.  In Middle School I always got good grades on writing assignments.  High School was the same.  My AP English/1010 English teacher had us write papers weekly, and he always had me read mine to the class.  Probably because I have a different writing style.  Now that I've told you I'm not a horrible writer I can move on to the purpose of this post.

I always wondered why I got such a horrible grade on the books I wrote, yet I was well ahead of the class in every other subject.  When Josh told me he didn't do so hot with his books I realized what it was; we were graded subjectively by teachers who expected cute stories about bunnies and basketball.  We were graded subjectively, not graded because we followed length guidelines and used proper spelling.  Once I got to Middle School the teachers weren't subjective graders, sure they probably didn't like some of my poems, but they realized they weren't useless.  They didn't care that I put sentences together in a different way that made the style of my paper different, or that I constantly repeat the beginning of sentences for dramatic affect.  They cared that they could understand what I was saying, and that they enjoyed it.  They graded on length, understanding, and probably spelling (which I imagine doesn't happen anymore now that everything is typed, but they probably check to make sure you are using two/to/too's right), not if they didn't like underdeveloped writing styles (I mean come on, we were like ten).

Then I started thinking about other things that are subjectively graded.  Art.  Art is huge.  Now I like art, I'm very subjective about it.  Which is okay.  Which is the point.  Being subjective is okay, but you can't grade subjectively based on content.  Here's a little story of mine:

Last Fall I attempted to take classes at the U to finish a degree as fast as possible.  Some misunderstandings about babysitting forced me to quit after the first day.  But I went the first day.  I was sitting in an introductory Art History class looking at a picture of a urinal someone turned on it's side.  I looked at it thinking 'who would call this piece of crap art?'.  Apparently the teacher.  She went on some rant about what is considered art.  Some kids in the class (men I should add) kept saying how they saw cars as art.  The teacher commented back that the car itself is not art because it is useful, but a picture of the car would be art.  Many of the guys said that a picture of a car is crap, but that a brand new Aston Martin is art (O how I agree when I see them in James Bond movies, and how I cry when I find out 5 were destroyed in filming).  Some added that a urinal is useful so how is a picture of it art if they don't think a picture of a car is art.  I was getting annoyed of the conversation so I raised my hand and finally said something similar to "we will see it as art if we want to, and no definition of art can change that.  You can tell me this urinal is a piece of art, but I will never see it that way.  You can tell all of these guys that cars aren't art, but that won't change how they see it".  I got a five minute lecture about how I wasn't "culturally intelligent" enough to tell her what was and wasn't art to different people. 

Sorry for the long story.  Anyways, I wanted to punch her because in a way she was subjective grading.  To her this was art, but a picture of a car wasn't.  What if she was a photography teacher and someone turned in those two pictures?  This one would get an A, the car an F.

This urinal will never be art to me.  But can I put a letter grade on it?  If it was a contrast and shading assignment no.  If they were supposed to do a color photo yes.  Nothing to do with the urinal.

Being subjective is fine with me, but why is subjective grading being used in schools?  If you tell kids to write a story, then judge them on following the guidelines and proper spelling, not the material or how they write.  If it doesn't make sense then give good feedback, don't give them a bad grade because another teacher might love it.  If it's a picture book and has the amount of pictures required, proper spelling, and maybe commas where necessary then call it good and give them an A.  Who cares if the story is about Sweeney Todd?  Okay, maybe the school shrink cares, but the teacher shouldn't.  Same with history papers and essays, art classes (yeah Mr. Dillon, my vase in ceramics fit all of your requirements so you shouldn't have given me a bad grade because I think it looks awesome!), and essays for any other subject.  Let people be creative, say it's crap in your head if you want to (or out loud in the case of the urinal), give feedback, but give letter grades based on simple guidelines, not content.

Why I HATE Valentines

I can easily admit that this is my least favorite holiday.  It has been for years, but the last few it has become even worse.  This year I told Josh we weren't celebrating Valentines at all.  Of course he was fine with that.  I just can't get over this holiday, so I'm venting a little.

I understand it's nice to get presents.  I understand wanting to talk about them.  But I hate how every woman posts pictures online with notes about how they have the best husband/boyfriend ever.  I hate these posts because two days ago these same people were complaining about how horrible their husbands/boyfriends are.  I hate that it seems to be a competition.  I hate that love seems to be associated with the amount of money spent on presents.

I also hate the holiday because most men seem to think they can buy you flowers, chocolates, jewelry, and dress up for dinner one night and be set for the year.  What I love is walking into the kitchen on a random day and finding flowers because Josh knew I had a hard day, or he just wanted me to know he loves me.  There's no way he is getting off the hook just because he bought me chocolate some freezing cold day in February. 

While this reason doesn't affect me yet, it will in about 3 years.  Schools put such a big emphasis on it, meaning I will end up doing extra work for it.  I'll be buying stupid valentines for our kids to pass out.  I'll be making a box that will be thrown out as soon as it comes through the door, but it has to be somewhat cool so I can't just give them an empty tissue box.  Lastly I'll end up dealing with my kids pumped up with sugar on a holiday that isn't Halloween. 

Overall I'm done with this holiday.  I enjoyed not celebrating it this year, and I don't think we will again.  If you like this holiday please laugh at my reasons for hating it.

The Bad Parent...

Today is one of those days when I really feel like a bad parent...and it's not even 8am.  Where do I begin this post?

I guess first off would be that Michael woke up a few times in the night, and then went back to sleep on his own.  Then he woke up an hour before usual and wanted a bottle.  I fed him and put him back down.  When he woke up a half hour later I tried to make him cry it out for a while, but that didn't help.  I finally went and got him and he was screaming and thrashing at everything I did.  I tried to hold him, to play with him, to give him a little medicine (since he might have the head aches I have from the flu shot we got), and nothing worked.  I changed his diaper while he thrashed and kicked and screamed.  I put him in his crib and left the room.  Luckily he fell back asleep 5 minutes later.

Then I get online to see what's going on.  Turns out this is normal, he is just having a temper tantrum.  I didn't think these would start for a few more months, but they can start as early as 12 months.

What made it worse: on the same page it talked about how kids might wake frequently because 13-15 months is when they start dreaming more, and when dreams start affecting them.  Well there are two problems solved.  It just took some mommy guilt for me to realize that this was what was going on (shouldn't this stuff be more obvious?).

Then I look at developmental stuff.  In some ways Michael is way ahead of others (the tantrums aren't listed as normal until 16 months, and he is pretty good at playing with small objects), but in other ways I feel like he is so behind.  Part of that is because he is the oldest and doesn't have as much social interaction with other babies.  Some of it is because I'll sit and talk to him, but I don't spend hours reciting colors or body parts or animals in a book.  So that brought on some mommy guilt.

I started looking around the website a little more for other things that I've been out of the loop on. #1 is brushing his teeth.  I can start doing that now, and I had no idea.  He probably needs it, he has serious cheerio breath.  I probably won't take him to the dentist until he's 18 months-2, but I should be brushing his teeth.  How hard is it to brush 8 teeth?  As long as he isn't thrashing about like he was this morning!

I've been hit with tons of mommy guilt and feeling like a bad parent this morning.  No, I'm not looking for pity, I just need to get my frustration out.  Sometimes I really wonder if I'll ever get the hang of this parenting thing.  Right now I'm really frustrated!  I told Josh the other day that while Michael is adorable and so happy and sweet, this is my least favorite stage of parenting.  He looked at me and said it was his favorite and that I was crazy.  Maybe I'll enjoy it more when I can figure things out on my own instead of parenting websites.


Again, I didn't post a picture.  Sorry if my blog is starting to look really boring!  It is only 8am, and you don't want to see what Michael or I look like right now!

Kids and Rejection

As I've mentioned before, I read blogs on babycenter.  There are a few I love, some that annoy me, others that never interest me.  There is one blogger that always annoys me.  She knows what to say to make me think I'm never going to be like her.  Anyways she has one daughter in elementary that isn't completely there socially.  She blogs about it a LOT (poor little girl).  Well today she blogged about the injustice of kids not being invited to birthday parties.  She generally seems to want to get rid of every form of "bullying" that could possibly hurt her child.

Here's a news flash for this mom:

Everyone gets rejected at some point in their life. 

It might suck that your child didn't get invited to a party, but your child isn't the only one, and you don't understand the circumstances.  There are thousands of reasons for being rejected.  In the birthday case, there is: 1) they can only invite 3 people 2) they have to have the same number of girls and boys 3) the parents must know the parents of the children being invited 4) the party only included one friend and the rest family 5) a million more reasons that may seem ridiculous but are completely legitimate. 

It's a harsh reality, but the fact is that since everyone gets rejected, it is better that it happen younger in life, and over something so meaningless.  We live in a world where parents tend to coddle their kids.  It isn't surprising that the first time some kids hear the word no is when they aren't accepted to a certain college.  Imagine the damage that does to their psyche.

So kids will be rejected.  Plain and simple.  So what do you teach your kids about rejection? 

• Rejection is rarely personal.  There are more reasons to every decision than you could ever imagine
• Not to reject because of a personal reason.  Reject for logical reasons.  It is logical to reject someone that asked you to a dance when you've already been asked.  That's not personal. 
• Rejection happens.  Every day.  It doesn't happen because the world stinks or is unfair.  On the contrary, it would be unfair if one person was never rejected while all others were. 
• Make the connection between rejection not being personal and not letting your child take it to heart. 

Now the thing that is hard is when rejection is personal.  Maybe this is why I got so upset over the post, the mother took it as a personal rejection without looking at the logic of it.  If is seems personal you have to step back and see if it really is.  We are so protective of our kids that it always seems personal.  If in fact it is, then what do you tell your child?  You can reinstate that this is why they don't reject people on a personal level.  You can tell them that sometimes this is just what happens in life.  Maybe they just need a shoulder to cry on, and one I know moms are willing to spare (no matter how many boogers will get on that new shirt).

You might look at your young child and want to make everything bad go away, but sometimes you can't.  It's better they learn rejection early, and ways to cope with it. 

So to this mom who takes everything surrounding her child as a "bullying" experience: you are only teaching her that all rejection is personal, especially since you take it personally.  You are also teaching her that her world should change to accommodate her, which we all know doesn't happen.  From now on I'll make sure you didn't write a post before I read it!

Am I crunchy?

Is this me??? Okay, obviously this is a guy, but besides that! 

I read quite a few blogs on babycenter.  Last week I came across one titled Are You Crunchy?  At first I thought it would be funny to see what the questions were like.  When the first question was about making homemade cleaners I got a little scared.  For the time being I don't make homemade cleaners, but I've definitely wanted to.  I continued on cautiously, thinking I might discover something about myself that was possibly life changing.

At the end of the quiz I took a deep breath when I only scored a three (as in not crunchy at all, but not against those that are).  A second wave of fear washed over me, no I don't do most of the things on the list, but how many did I want to at least try?  My score would have been an 8!!! (as in you're crunchy, no doubt about it)

Am I really crunchy?  Is it possible?  I wasn't raised that way at all.  I enjoy McDonalds and Tide, and that isn't about to change....or is it? 

It wasn't too crazy for me to get a three, all it took was cloth diapering (which is going great!), recycling, and making baby food (which I still do on occasion).  But when it came to what I want to do, then it became crazy.  Yes, I have a desire to eat organic (I tried this when we moved back to Salt Lake but Josh really wasn't into it).  I wouldn't mind being vegetarian, but I think I'm more of a meat once a week person.  I would gladly make homemade cleaners, I just haven't done it yet. I would easily compost (this is something I've wanted to do for a while but I'm not willing to pay for a composter).  An extra point came from using cloth wipes which is something I've already decided to try when I get a diaper sprayer, for now it is just a possibility.

I never thought of myself as being a crunchy.  It never seemed like a lifestyle change I could make so quickly.  I've been married barely longer than two years, doesn't something so drastic take a decade at least??  At this rate I could be full on crunchy in the next three years.  Should I be scared?  Amazed?  confused?  Or some combination of all three.  It's identity crisis time!

My Endorsement

Have you ever walked into a store and absolutely loved it?  It doesn't matter what it is, but you just love it?  For a long time mine was Bed, Bath, and Beyond.  I walked in there and wanted everything!  Well I found a new store, buybuyBABY.  Coincidentally they are owned by Bed, Bath, and Beyond...so of course I LOVED it!  Also....my life is currently consumed by babies so why wouldn't I love it??  I've already made a wish-list of things I want:

• More bumGenius diapers.  I bought a few and I want all of them!! The only drawback is they don't have all of the colors at the store, but I still love them
• The iPad protector...even though I don't have an iPad, but the pictures on the package make it look amazing!
• Aden + Anais baby blankets, even though they seem very thin
• Sofie's giraffe, even though I think they are overpriced
• One of the fifty different slings
• One of the hundred diaper bags
• The adorable monkey plates
• A swing
• The Ferrari walker
• Beaba spoons
• ....basically everything else in the store!!

Some of my list is unrealistic, especially the spoons...who would pay $25 for 6 baby spoons?!?  But the list grows every time I walk into the store.  Josh thought I was obsessed...until I took him with me last night and he loved it too.  If we have enough kids I think we will own almost everything in that store.

Life on the farm

Okay, okay I don't live on a farm, but I think it's close enough.  In the last few weeks I've been woken up by:

• A dog that barked all night.  Now that isn't that countryish but I believe it was barking because of a loose chicken
• Roosters
• A cow that sounded like it was tipped
• A horse...which is really confusing because I don't believe there is a horse within a mile of our house

I think it's time to soundproof our room!

Why I get angry so quickly...

So lately I feel like I've had to defend my choice to have another baby so soon.  It gets me a little mad that I have to keep saying the same things over and over again!  Like:

• This baby was planned.  Everyone assumes this baby was a surprise.  Not even close!  Josh and I decided to have another baby when Michael was 2 months old.  Yes, it might be a little crazy, but we have our reasons.
• We aren't scared or freaking out more than we would if our babies were going to be further apart.  I have moments where I wonder how I'm going to be able to go grocery shopping alone, but I don't freak about things like that.  
• Our family is not complete if we have any say in it.  We have felt that our family will be bigger than 4, but we don't know the exact timing of everything.  Having two kids close together is not my attempt to have my kids and be done.  It isn't so I can relax when both of my kids are in school 5 years after having my first.  

Another reason this all makes me so mad is because of the comments I keep getting.  Mostly about never getting sleep, or going out of mind with 2 so young, or the 'good luck' comment while  people silently chuckle to themselves.  Sometimes I want to hit them in the head and say "DUH!" Do you really think those things didn't cross my mind?  Even if this baby wasn't planned what do you think your comments are really accomplishing? (I would feel miserable if I had to hear this repeatedly if the baby was a surprise)

So why do people say these things?  Why is it impossible for us to say congratulations and silently think how crazy someone is?  Why do I get so angry when I hear these comments or have to answer the same questions?  Is it because I get offended by people assuming they know what is going on in my personal life, or because I'm tired of repeating myself?

Here is an example:

Yesterday Josh and I went to a ward party.  Now we are new to the ward and haven't gotten to know many people.  Part of this has to do with Michael not being very good in church lately.  There is a woman who lives near me who is now my visiting teacher.  I made some comment about Michael and getting used to other kids.  Now I am twenty weeks along and look pregnant, but I had on a huge shirt so I might still be in the fat stage.  She looked at my stomach for a minute and finally asked if I was expecting.  I told her I was.  While she tried to say it in a nice way, she was basically saying 'wow, two kids so close, good luck, sorry that happened'.  I then went on to tell her how we planned to have this baby close to Michael.  Her eyebrows shot up and she looked stunned that I would ever think of doing that.  Now she was (and still is) a nice woman who I look forward to being my visiting teacher, but I was mad about the situation.  

To everyone out there that has gone through this, even if your kids are farther apart, I'm so sorry! If I ever made any of these comments feel free to hit me in the head and say "duh"!  Hopefully when this baby is 6 months or so these comments will stop!

Do any of you recognize this scene?  This is from the Michael Scott dinner party.  The really awkward dinner party.  Do any of you wonder what it would be like to live through it?  I used to wonder what I would do in the situation, and now I know.

Josh and I went over to one of his friends house last night before they moved out of state.  The first awkward thing was that his wife had two of her friends over from when she was in high school.  Her and I are usually close but we hardly talked to each other.  Next thing I know her husband left the room....Then her mom (they live with her crazy mom) came into the room and we felt a little out of place.

Next thing we know the husband is outside trying to sell his car.  She talks to him about how they just put new tires on it and bought a new battery.  He's talking about all of the leaks and how they can't afford to keep it....while all of us are sitting there.  Wife's upset and we are just watching this whole thing going crazy.

Then her crazy mom strikes again.  Wife's sister walks in saying something about picking up branches that husband hasn't picked up because mom keeps calling her about it....at 9pm.

On top of all of this is her mom talking about weird head pain.  Not talking to anyone for most of the time.  Overall feeling horribly awkward!  Now this might not sound like a dinner party, but there was some food there.  Overall Josh and I probably looked like Jim and Pam all night.

Interesting new trend

Lately I've noticed ad companies using new tactics that most people find very forward thinking.  I like to think of them as emotional ads.  Like this one using a down syndrome little girl.

Also the P&G commercials that talk about moms being behind every olympic athlete.  Doesn't a part of you want to say 'aww'?

While I love the idea that the world is in some ways progressing by using something other than perfect models to sell things I find it all a little fishy.  All of these emotional ads seem to be a clever way to tug at your heart strings, even if for just a second.  Maybe ad firms finally realized that hitting the emotional button on a woman works a lot better then seeing fancy cars and bikinis (ad firms finally realized that woman spend more then men).  I think it's great to see a cute little girl with down syndrome be on an ad (an ad other then one telling you to donate money to some charity) but I'm a little nervous about this tactic.  Will commercials, magazines, and billboards soon be covered in tearjerking images?  Will I constantly feel the urge to cry (which isn't very hard these days) everywhere I turn?  Isn't this worse than what has been on the media for years?  Fabio brought laughs, these bring an emotional roller-coaster.

What would I do?

We came home to hear some interesting news.  Josh's second (maybe third or however that works) cousin just had her baby boy.  She currently has 4-year-old triplets and this is her first baby since then.  When he was born he wasn't breathing very well.  He was rushed to the NICU where it was determined he had Down's.  Luckily the little boy doesn't appear to have heart problems, just the breathing problems.

When I first heard the news I was in shock.  I remember everything being measured at my 20 week ultrasound to see if Michael could have Down's; I was told they would do more extensive tests if they assumed anything.  I can't imagine not knowing and not being prepared for that.

Thankfully the mom majored in special ed and knows a lot more than most of us would.  She has also been prepared for this by having triplets.  As is expected in these kinds of situations I started to think about what I would do if that was my baby.  I don't know if I could ever handle.  I'm very grateful for my healthy, happy little boy!