Who am I?

Lately I feel like I've been trying to figure myself out, without actually admitting that I am.  The last few years my life has flipped upside down over and over again, and now I'm finally trying to get my balance.  In the last 3 years I've gotten married, had 2 kids, moved 6 times, and 0% of what I imagined my life to be like has happened.

What did I imagine my life to be like?  Well I wanted to go to med school, have one or two children, and run a lot.  To be honest it feels like decades ago and I don't remember everything I did want.

I keep going back and forth between whether I or not I want to work (for now I have to, but I mean having a career).  I can't decide how many more kids we want.  Everything eludes me right now. 

This works for some people.  They live their life in a state I call limbo.  As I've mentioned on this blog before I don't like limbo.  I don't function well in it.  My stress level becomes similar to the mini heart-attack someone has when they see a lion escaped from the zoo.  I can't live with the unknown.

Because of this wonderful trait of mine I end up changing my mind a lot.  However, changing my mind so much has started causing me tons of stress. 

I guess you could say I'm one of those annoying people who reads about GMO's and throws half the pantry away, to give up or change her mind two weeks later.  Or the person who signs up for classes and goes for a day just to quit (okay this actually happened but part of it was a babysitting problem). 

So now I'm realizing that I need to figure this out.  Who am I and who am I going to be, because if I live in this state of limbo any longer I'm going to start getting gray hair before I turn 22.

House hunting sucks

Josh and I have somewhat been looking for a house.  I say somewhat because we don't know if we will even stay in Utah.  Did you know Engineers make more money out of Utah than in it?  If given the opportunity I think we might leave, if we can move to a place were housing costs are roughly the same as they are here.  But Josh currently has a job here, so we've been looking here too.

Unless we find the right house for sale, we are pretty sure we are going to build.  We have outgrown (or would outgrow in another 2-3 years) starter homes.  We have also agreed we don't want to buy an older, bigger, house because of all of the problems that it could have.  So we are left looking at medium-ish sizes of new homes. 

Oh, how it sucks.  We know what we want for the most part.  If we buying a medium-ish size home we can grow into in the next 5-7 years we will probably stay there until all of our kids are out of the house.  Looking at our track record I could have another 5 kids in the next 7 years, as was so lovingly pointed out to me.  So we need a house with 4-5 bedrooms without the basement finished.

We know the builders we will most likely go with: Destination homes, Henry Walker, or McArthur.  Depending on the location these builders are reasonably priced. 

You know who isn't reasonably priced at all?  Symphony Homes.  They also aren't very nice.  We walked into a model and the woman looked at us and pretty much said "I doubt I can find anything in your price range or else all of our houses would be sold"....and what does that mean?  Young families can't afford your houses?  Or only older people have been buying from you lately?  Either way, I found it a little insulting. 

Moving on.

We also liked the guy with Lodder homes.  They are custom homes but very reasonably priced.  When we walked through the model the guy there could tell us exactly what was standard and how much it would cost for every upgrade.  Most people just say go to the design center and figure it out.  But they set up appointments for you to meet with the tile guy, and the carpet guy, and the counter top people to sit down and decide every little thing you want.  He said it can take over a year to build a home if you a slow about going to appointments or change your mind.  I like the idea of choosing everything that way, but I can't imagine spending all of that time with two rug rats in tow. 

So now we are left trying to decide when and where.  Everything feels right, until we see the next builder, or the next floor plan, and then we change our minds again.  Hopefully that means we'll be happy with anything....right?

The secret to LOOKING like an awesome runner

A few people in my neighborhood have seen me running lately.  Now, I suck at running.  I ran cross-country for two years in High School and sucked...well until after I graduated, I had a while there where I was doing awesome. 

Anyways...

I try to look like a good runner, until I get around the corner and start walking as I sound like I've walked through the Sahara without any water.  So here is how you look like a good runner:

What you need:

• Awesome shoes.  Now they don't need to be super expensive, just make sure they have some neon colors in there
• Running shorts.  The old soccer shorts don't cut it. 
• Old race shirts.  Now, I have a few from cross country and I cycle through.  If you don't have any check the DI.  Or go to a race and just buy a shirt...but be careful, people might not believe you ran a marathon, but a half is usually a safe bet, same with a 10k.  No one will be impressed with a 5k (which is why I only wear the shirts that say multiple races lengths on them, I like to keep them guessing).
• Sun glasses.  This can also help hide the look of desperation to stop.  Make sure they are the sporty ones with weird designs on the side.
• If you take an ipod you need the arm band.  No one will take you seriously for a second if you have it in your hand.

The Technique:

• If you see a person, RUN!
• If you see someone you know, SPRINT!
• If someone stops and waves you better wave back.
• If someone says hello to you, you say it back, but in a normal voice, not the I've ran a mile kill me sort of voice.
• When you pass close enough to someone who can hear your heavy breathing, just stop breathing. 

The REAL secret:

• When people are out of site, walk or lay on the ground panting.  Cry if you need to.  Drink your weight in water.  Hide behind those green utility things.  Hide in the tunnel slide at the park.  Hide behind parked cars.  Make sure no one is watching you, especially little kids, they point and laugh.  Get home and sit in an ice bath for an hour, then a hot bath for an hour.  Use a whole tube of icy hot.  Eat a burger then have some ice cream.  Do all of this with the shades drawn.  Most important of all, post mile times on facebook for the world to see, and good mile times, not your actual ones.

Oh, and keep running, because one day you could be awesome and not have to do any of this.  Until I get there, I'll be hiding in the slide at the park down the street.