Blessing or Trial?

I haven't been very festive this year.  In fact, a part of me was ready to forget this holiday.  If it wasn't for Michael I would have told Josh to skip Christmas (I think he would've agreed if I would have promised him an iPad for his birthday).  At first I thought it was because I've been sick for most of the month.  It started with a cold, then a stomach flu that didn't go away very fast, and now a head cold that has left me with migraines and an empty tylenol bottle.  The other day it dawned on me that being sick has nothing to do with it.  It has to do with a lot of things going on in my life right now.

I used to believe that if something came to you, something good and needed (or wanted), it was a blessing.  I've come to realize that isn't true at all.  It isn't always a blessing, it can be a trial.  Maybe it's a trial disguised as a blessing, or a blessing that led to many, many trials.  Right now I feel like I'm going through one of the two.  What I once thought of as a blessing has become a trial.  Correction, many, many trials.

It's Christmas and I'd rather not get into details about it, but it has been very wearing on me, spiritually, physically, and emotionally.  I can't get through the day without thinking about it, and some days I don't want to get out of bed because of it.  Now I'm left to examine how all of this happened and what to do from here.

Has anyone else felt like this?  That what they once thought was a blessing has become a trial?

The Bad Parent...

Today is one of those days when I really feel like a bad parent...and it's not even 8am.  Where do I begin this post?

I guess first off would be that Michael woke up a few times in the night, and then went back to sleep on his own.  Then he woke up an hour before usual and wanted a bottle.  I fed him and put him back down.  When he woke up a half hour later I tried to make him cry it out for a while, but that didn't help.  I finally went and got him and he was screaming and thrashing at everything I did.  I tried to hold him, to play with him, to give him a little medicine (since he might have the head aches I have from the flu shot we got), and nothing worked.  I changed his diaper while he thrashed and kicked and screamed.  I put him in his crib and left the room.  Luckily he fell back asleep 5 minutes later.

Then I get online to see what's going on.  Turns out this is normal, he is just having a temper tantrum.  I didn't think these would start for a few more months, but they can start as early as 12 months.

What made it worse: on the same page it talked about how kids might wake frequently because 13-15 months is when they start dreaming more, and when dreams start affecting them.  Well there are two problems solved.  It just took some mommy guilt for me to realize that this was what was going on (shouldn't this stuff be more obvious?).

Then I look at developmental stuff.  In some ways Michael is way ahead of others (the tantrums aren't listed as normal until 16 months, and he is pretty good at playing with small objects), but in other ways I feel like he is so behind.  Part of that is because he is the oldest and doesn't have as much social interaction with other babies.  Some of it is because I'll sit and talk to him, but I don't spend hours reciting colors or body parts or animals in a book.  So that brought on some mommy guilt.

I started looking around the website a little more for other things that I've been out of the loop on. #1 is brushing his teeth.  I can start doing that now, and I had no idea.  He probably needs it, he has serious cheerio breath.  I probably won't take him to the dentist until he's 18 months-2, but I should be brushing his teeth.  How hard is it to brush 8 teeth?  As long as he isn't thrashing about like he was this morning!

I've been hit with tons of mommy guilt and feeling like a bad parent this morning.  No, I'm not looking for pity, I just need to get my frustration out.  Sometimes I really wonder if I'll ever get the hang of this parenting thing.  Right now I'm really frustrated!  I told Josh the other day that while Michael is adorable and so happy and sweet, this is my least favorite stage of parenting.  He looked at me and said it was his favorite and that I was crazy.  Maybe I'll enjoy it more when I can figure things out on my own instead of parenting websites.


Again, I didn't post a picture.  Sorry if my blog is starting to look really boring!  It is only 8am, and you don't want to see what Michael or I look like right now!

He Said...

For FHE tonight we read a story out of the Ensign that talked about who we are and the roles we play.  It said we have many roles but that our roles as parents are the most important.  At that point we told each other what our roles are.

Josh said something like this..."you're mama, the nurturer, the easy bake oven"
Me: "What?"
Josh:  "Well you put a few things in and bam, 9 months later...."

He trailed off as I laughed.  FHE ended pretty quick after that.

Michael Monday

Tuesday-Our house is pretty babyproofed so I let Michael crawl around on his own most of the time.  I was cleaning and he crawled off (I assumed he was eating the cheerios off the kitchen floor that he had thrown from his high chair earlier).  After a minute I started hearing whining noises from the front room.  I looked into the room and couldn't see him anywhere.  I decided to look in the corners while I kept hearing whining.  I found him, behind the couch.  The top of our couch touches the wall, but the bottom is about a foot away from the wall.  He had crawled about half way through and decided to sit up, where his head got stuck.

Wednesday-Found out how fun it is to unravel a roll of toilet paper.  It was adorable!

Thursday-Michael had a fever of 104, which we found out at the doctors office.  He was pretty sick, but he was super cuddly!  That night he repeatedly gave Josh kisses!  Michael's kisses are open mouthed, usually he tries to stick out his tongue or he bites you, so while they are sweet they are kinda gross.  Despite the grossness it was adorable to watch him repeatedly give kisses!

Friday-Slept most of the day.  He was super cuddly and adorable!

Saturday-Tried to climb into the toilet

Sunday-He has a habit of throwing his food on the ground while he's eating.  He had some bread for dinner and like usual started throwing it.  Eventually we stopped letting him feed himself and would put a piece of bread in his mouth...until we realized he was just grabbing it out of his mouth and dropping it on the floor when we weren't looking at him

Monday-Played Peek-a-Boo around the coffee table

Michael's 12 month checkup

Michael's 1 year checkup was late and I'm annoyed why.  We moved right before Michael's 6 month checkup.  I was unwilling to drive up to Logan for a checkup, so I had to find a new doctor.  It took a while for me to find a doctor, so his 6 month appointment was 2 weeks late.  When I went to schedule a 12 month appointment a receptionist lied to me about the timing.  She said because of kindergarten requirements the 12 month appointment (and shots) has to be exactly 6 months after the 6 month appointment (and shots).  What a load of crap!!  This is not the case, so don't ever believe anyone trying to deter you from making an appointment when you want.

Anyways Michael's doctor is amazing, just amazing!  So Michael woke up that morning with a fever.  When I took him into the doctor it had reached 104.  His doctor spent at least a half hour with us checking up on him, doing a strep test, asking about his development, discussing his milestones, and letting us know the most recent information about getting shots and having a fever at the same time.  He even called us later that night to see if Michael's fever had gone down.  Amazing!!  We didn't end up getting shots, but we're going back in a about a week.  Here are his stats:

Weight:  19.9 lbs; 9th percentile

Height: 29.75 in; 42nd percentile

Head: 18.5 in; 65th percentile

His doctor says he is well rounded.  He is a decent height, but just so small!  His weight will always be on the very small side.  His height doesn't really follow a pattern.  His head is continually getting bigger.  It has gradually increased from the 13th percentile since birth.  

Thanksgiving and Black Friday

We don't have any pictures from Thanksgiving.  I haven't taken many pictures lately because...well I feel huge in all of them!  But we had a great Thanksgiving!

Josh went and played football with my brother-in-law and some of his friends.  I know he had fun, but I didn't enjoy the complaints that his arms hurt all day :)

For lunch we went over to my parents house for a non-traditional lunch of BBQ turkey.  We had tons of fun and enjoyed the good food.  We could have gone to a movie but Michael doesn't do well with movies, so we went to our second Thanksgiving.

We had dinner with Josh's grandparents, his mom, and his brother.  It was a traditional Thanksgiving and very yummy.

On Black Friday we didn't do much shopping.  We ended up going to carter's later in the day and got a few baby clothes, but that was about it.  We had some friends come over and spend the night.  It was fun, but we had a few little problems, correction: Michael had problems.  He had a stomach virus and I ended up taking him to the doctor Saturday morning.  Josh went and played football again with some of his friends from high school.  Thankfully he wasn't as sore this time!

I should write a post about everything we are thankful for, but I have another post or two to write tonight, so I'll simply say I have the best family and I love them very much!

Michael's Party

Michael had an amazing birthday party!  I want to thank everyone who came and showed him their love.  He was definitely spoiled, but I think he deserves it!  We had a dinner of lasagna followed by a star wars cake.  You'll notice the cake says the traditional Happy Birthday Michael, it took some convincing on my part to make sure the cake did not say May the Force be with You.

Without further ado, the pictures...

His favorite part of opening presents was playing with the tissue paper

He wasn't too interested in the cake.  He enjoyed making a mess of it on his high chair try, but very little got in his mouth

Thanks again to everyone who came!

Post Overload

So I haven't blogged in like 3 weeks, and they have been a busy 3 weeks.  Sorry for the future overload of posts!!