When you can't forgive

I have someone I can't forgive right now.  Someone that I have felt (and for good reason) has wronged me.  Not just me, but my family too.  This has been an issue for about a year.  I've actually tried to forgive them multiple times, but then they do something else and everything comes flooding back to me. 

Unfortunately the situation doesn't seem to have an end.  It's not like you can simply get rid of a person, or change how they act or what they say.  Sometimes I tell myself that it would be so much easier if somehow I could just get out of the situation, and then hopefully forget it over time.  It is so much easier to forgive as more time goes by.

Since both of my kids are asleep now (well they should be but one of them is refusing to sleep), I had a little time to write in my journal, the one that gets an update once a month.  I was writing about the situation and wrote something similar to this: I know I should forgive this person, I doubt they realize what they are doing, but the situation has gotten so bad I just don't want to put in the effort. 

Doesn't that make me sound horrible??  I don't want to put in the effort for a person.  I've been able to forgive almost everyone that I have been offended by (whether it was their intention or not), some I still associate with while others I've decided it's best not to.  I put in the effort for those that I still associate with.  I even put in effort to not let myself be put in the same situation with those I've stopped associating with.  If that makes any sense at all.  But I don't want to put in effort for this person.

The whole 99 and 1 sheep lesson comes to mind right now.  Shouldn't I be willing to make an effort and fix things with this person?  Even as I write this I'm thinking is umm they are totally wrong, you have a right to be angry with them.  They have proven time and time again that they won't change.  All they will ever do is hurt you and your family.  If they want forgiveness they should be saying sorry and changing their ways.  I know I need to forgive this person.  I'm not sure how, but I need to.

All I can say is pray for me.  I'm attempting to forgive someone who in no way can I justify deserves my forgiveness.

Our Life, Our House

So a few things have changed dramatically in the last...week.  Josh got a new job.  When it seemed like he would never make it out of intern status (and he would really love paid vacation and holidays) he started looking around.  He starts his new job in August.  With the job comes insurance (you have no idea how nice this will be compared to our crappy private insurance!), all the other perks, a commute less than a mile away, and a nice raise. 

Josh and I have been looking at houses for a long time.  Pretty much since we moved back to Salt Lake over a year ago.  We've looked at different builders we've liked and found plans for the builders depending on where we end up.  Last November we found a brand new house in Kaysville with three bedrooms, a finished yard, and they would have finished the basement for less than 240k, we still regret not doing that.  We decided to build a house in Woods Cross through Candlelight.  Actually, about a month ago we went through the model and something felt right.  Most houses I fall in love with the second I walk into them, but this felt like the place I could call home.  Two weeks ago we met with a builder and discussed building a home, not the one we're getting, one that was quite a bit smaller.  We walked through one they were building and it felt small, like we would outgrow it in five years.  When Josh got this job we went back to them and picked a bigger house that we can live in for the next 10-15.  You have no idea how long I've waited for a permanent place to live.  I even told Josh that I might not ever move, because I've done it too much.  He reminded me that one day I will be really old and won't want to walk up stairs anymore.  So we'll see. 

The house will be roughly a mile north-west from where we live (yay no moving truck this time!).  It should be done in six months, but we might drag the process out a little so we don't have to get out of our lease that ends the beginning of March.  At the rate we're going with having the kids, Josh and I working a lot, and all the other stuff we have going on it will probably be a slow process anyways. 

This is what the house will look like, kinda.  We won't have the third car garage, and because of the location our basement will be higher, so we will have probably 8 steps up to the front door. maybe more. 

We're excited to finally have a home!  Michael will finally have a place to run around.  We won't have anyone living above us or even with us.  No drama, like our neighbors stomping around when Elli cries at night.  Or when I had to yell at some maintenance people for swearing like sailors when Michael was right there.  No mold like one of our old apartments.  No $300 gas bill to keep the house at 68.  And a sink big enough to do dishes in!  Can you tell I'm excited?

Here's to being patient for another 6ish months, something I'm never good at.

Just watch the news for once!

We just got back from a two day, well I guess day-and-a-half camping trip that was ended early by rain.  On our way home we stopped at the main park (maybe the only park) in Heber.  I was changing Elli's diaper on the grass as Michael ran around.  About ten feet from me lay a father whose wife was next to me.  He pulls his phone out and says "wow, I haven't checked Twitter today, I have no idea what's going on in the world".  The wife didn't say anything, she seemed mad that her husband wasn't playing with their kids while she sat there 38 weeks pregnant. 

One thought comes to mine, and it is the title of this post, just watch the news for once!  Or read a newspaper.  New York Times lets you read ten articles a month for free, and I think that may be per device.  In Utah KSL is always free and full of articles.  Why would you need Twitter to know what is going on in the world?  Why would you let the people you follow on twitter determine what you know about the world? 

Okay, okay, so maybe he wants to know what is going on in his world.  I'll admit it, I don't have a Twitter just a Facebook.  I've heard Twitter is worse with little updates about peoples life.  Like this:

Took baby to the park @madeuphusband

Baby cried on swing @madeuphusband

Baby now loves swing @madeuphusband

Baby hates swing again #i'maddinginarandomhashtagtoannoyeveryone

All in the space of ten minutes.  If this is what your world is all about (and you're not @madeuphusband) then you really need to put down the phone and play with your kids, because if you make your huge, pregnant wife stand up on those cankles I will yell at you.

Rant over.

The Last Month...

Here's what we've been up to.

Going to the zoo.

Seeing Grandpa on Fathers Day.

Getting into the pantry and finding crackers while I'm feeding Elli.

 Going boating.

 And tubing.

 Running around the house and stealing keys.

 Sleeping in weird positions and with toys.

 Learning how to do chores...

 And applying it to the rest of the house.

We've also gone swimming in our pool a couple of times.  

Gone to 7 peaks a few times.

We both went wakeboarding, and I'm still awesome.

I've worked a lot, like last night was my fifth night in a row.

I've been doing Josh's genealogy since mine is pretty much complete.

We've seen my grandparents a lot.

Michael lost a shoe, but he's outgrown them anyways.

We've been made primary teachers.

We had our 3 year anniversary.

Josh had his 25th Birthday.

Elli's about two months away from crawling, she already pushes herself backwards and in circles.

I got a cold, then Elli did, I think Michael had it but he slept it off.

Michael slept from 5pm to 8am the next morning.

We are staying busy.  

I hope to blog a little bit more than I have been.  Life really has been crazy the last few weeks.  Since Josh hasn't had homework we take advantage of every opportunity we have to do fun stuff with the kids.  I'm no longer in training so I'm working a lot more.  I get the feeling that in the fall this blog will be a lot more interesting.  For now, thanks for reading!

5 Months

Forgive me for not posting in so long and not having pictures.  It's a pain to get pictures off of our camera and onto the computer, so sometimes I just avoid it for....like two months.  Then I have hundreds of pictures to go through.  The only reason I finally did today was because my brother needed pictures of a house...that shows you how motivated I am to deal with them.

The fifth month is always an interesting one.  I always note the second month as the worst month because all of the sudden babies stop sleeping so much, but they aren't smiling yet.  They seem grumpy most days.  Well the fifth month is characterized by a jump in intelligence and mastery of the skills they've so far learned.

While Elli doesn't seem to have grown, she has definetly changed.  She has stopped scrunching up so much.  She still kicks her legs up and down all the time, but she likes to stretch out now, making her look longer. 

She rolls around more, and sits up more.  She plays with her toys now, and can pass them between her hands.

Elli has started solids, well she's been on them for over a month now.  She loves them, almost too much.  She will gladly eat 10oz a day, and some days we let her so she sleeps more.

She hasn't stopped falling asleep in the car quite yet, but she's getting better so we got on more outings.

She is on the same schedule as Michael most days, but takes an extra nap at night.  She also goes to bed a half hour earlier and gets up a half hour earlier.

Elli is a smart little girl.  She understands what is going on around her.  She knows who people are and understand certain actions.  Like she knows that when I clean off Michael after a meal it means we are going to go play so she gets really excited and screams.

She is one cute little thing and we love her so much!  I'll leave you with some pictures!

Swinging her rattle around

I think she's annoyed that he was trying to hug her...and he was taking her toys

Prunes.  I just love the mustache.

A day at the zoo

I don't know why she always gets this face when I try to get a picture of her smiling but she does.  I don't think I have one picture of her huge smile (it's a lot like Michael's was).  Maybe I should just post a pic of Michael's smile so you can see it :P