I have someone I can't forgive right now. Someone that I have felt (and for good reason) has wronged me. Not just me, but my family too. This has been an issue for about a year. I've actually tried to forgive them multiple times, but then they do something else and everything comes flooding back to me.
Unfortunately the situation doesn't seem to have an end. It's not like you can simply get rid of a person, or change how they act or what they say. Sometimes I tell myself that it would be so much easier if somehow I could just get out of the situation, and then hopefully forget it over time. It is so much easier to forgive as more time goes by.
Since both of my kids are asleep now (well they should be but one of them is refusing to sleep), I had a little time to write in my journal, the one that gets an update once a month. I was writing about the situation and wrote something similar to this: I know I should forgive this person, I doubt they realize what they are doing, but the situation has gotten so bad I just don't want to put in the effort.
Doesn't that make me sound horrible?? I don't want to put in the effort for a person. I've been able to forgive almost everyone that I have been offended by (whether it was their intention or not), some I still associate with while others I've decided it's best not to. I put in the effort for those that I still associate with. I even put in effort to not let myself be put in the same situation with those I've stopped associating with. If that makes any sense at all. But I don't want to put in effort for this person.
The whole 99 and 1 sheep lesson comes to mind right now. Shouldn't I be willing to make an effort and fix things with this person? Even as I write this I'm thinking is umm they are totally wrong, you have a right to be angry with them. They have proven time and time again that they won't change. All they will ever do is hurt you and your family. If they want forgiveness they should be saying sorry and changing their ways. I know I need to forgive this person. I'm not sure how, but I need to.
All I can say is pray for me. I'm attempting to forgive someone who in no way can I justify deserves my forgiveness.
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Everyone deserves forgiveness--- no matter what. If this person is a family member, they deserve your forgiveness as well as your tolerance. Holding on to anger and resentment only hurts yourself, especially if this person is unaware that they have offended you, or has no intention of changing their ways. Agency is the greatest gift that we were given, and resenting someone for excersizing their agency is only going to hurt you more. I learned this the hard way.... and after years of resenting someone for just being themselves, I just let it go and accepted them for who they were--- even began to appreciate the parts of them that I had resented for so long. The relief that comes with that is priceless. I will pray for you like you've asked. Love you! :)
ReplyDeleteps--- that was your Aunt Nikki who wrote that. I don't know why it published me as "unknown".
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