Lately I feel like I've been trying to figure myself out, without actually admitting that I am. The last few years my life has flipped upside down over and over again, and now I'm finally trying to get my balance. In the last 3 years I've gotten married, had 2 kids, moved 6 times, and 0% of what I imagined my life to be like has happened.
What did I imagine my life to be like? Well I wanted to go to med school, have one or two children, and run a lot. To be honest it feels like decades ago and I don't remember everything I did want.
I keep going back and forth between whether I or not I want to work (for now I have to, but I mean having a career). I can't decide how many more kids we want. Everything eludes me right now.
This works for some people. They live their life in a state I call limbo. As I've mentioned on this blog before I don't like limbo. I don't function well in it. My stress level becomes similar to the mini heart-attack someone has when they see a lion escaped from the zoo. I can't live with the unknown.
Because of this wonderful trait of mine I end up changing my mind a lot. However, changing my mind so much has started causing me tons of stress.
I guess you could say I'm one of those annoying people who reads about GMO's and throws half the pantry away, to give up or change her mind two weeks later. Or the person who signs up for classes and goes for a day just to quit (okay this actually happened but part of it was a babysitting problem).
So now I'm realizing that I need to figure this out. Who am I and who am I going to be, because if I live in this state of limbo any longer I'm going to start getting gray hair before I turn 22.
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I totally know what you mean! I have a hard time with limbo too. It sure does seem to like me though! I've come to discover that whenever I do make a plan for our lives it doesn't work, which can be discouraging. You just never know what's going to happen or how things will play out, and it's almost always so different than what you imagine. At least for me. But then you can't NOT plan, right? That drives me crazy! So, I guess we just have to plan and then not be afraid to plan again when our plans go crazy. I don't even know.
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