Blessing or Trial?

I haven't been very festive this year.  In fact, a part of me was ready to forget this holiday.  If it wasn't for Michael I would have told Josh to skip Christmas (I think he would've agreed if I would have promised him an iPad for his birthday).  At first I thought it was because I've been sick for most of the month.  It started with a cold, then a stomach flu that didn't go away very fast, and now a head cold that has left me with migraines and an empty tylenol bottle.  The other day it dawned on me that being sick has nothing to do with it.  It has to do with a lot of things going on in my life right now.

I used to believe that if something came to you, something good and needed (or wanted), it was a blessing.  I've come to realize that isn't true at all.  It isn't always a blessing, it can be a trial.  Maybe it's a trial disguised as a blessing, or a blessing that led to many, many trials.  Right now I feel like I'm going through one of the two.  What I once thought of as a blessing has become a trial.  Correction, many, many trials.

It's Christmas and I'd rather not get into details about it, but it has been very wearing on me, spiritually, physically, and emotionally.  I can't get through the day without thinking about it, and some days I don't want to get out of bed because of it.  Now I'm left to examine how all of this happened and what to do from here.

Has anyone else felt like this?  That what they once thought was a blessing has become a trial?

The Bad Parent...

Today is one of those days when I really feel like a bad parent...and it's not even 8am.  Where do I begin this post?

I guess first off would be that Michael woke up a few times in the night, and then went back to sleep on his own.  Then he woke up an hour before usual and wanted a bottle.  I fed him and put him back down.  When he woke up a half hour later I tried to make him cry it out for a while, but that didn't help.  I finally went and got him and he was screaming and thrashing at everything I did.  I tried to hold him, to play with him, to give him a little medicine (since he might have the head aches I have from the flu shot we got), and nothing worked.  I changed his diaper while he thrashed and kicked and screamed.  I put him in his crib and left the room.  Luckily he fell back asleep 5 minutes later.

Then I get online to see what's going on.  Turns out this is normal, he is just having a temper tantrum.  I didn't think these would start for a few more months, but they can start as early as 12 months.

What made it worse: on the same page it talked about how kids might wake frequently because 13-15 months is when they start dreaming more, and when dreams start affecting them.  Well there are two problems solved.  It just took some mommy guilt for me to realize that this was what was going on (shouldn't this stuff be more obvious?).

Then I look at developmental stuff.  In some ways Michael is way ahead of others (the tantrums aren't listed as normal until 16 months, and he is pretty good at playing with small objects), but in other ways I feel like he is so behind.  Part of that is because he is the oldest and doesn't have as much social interaction with other babies.  Some of it is because I'll sit and talk to him, but I don't spend hours reciting colors or body parts or animals in a book.  So that brought on some mommy guilt.

I started looking around the website a little more for other things that I've been out of the loop on. #1 is brushing his teeth.  I can start doing that now, and I had no idea.  He probably needs it, he has serious cheerio breath.  I probably won't take him to the dentist until he's 18 months-2, but I should be brushing his teeth.  How hard is it to brush 8 teeth?  As long as he isn't thrashing about like he was this morning!

I've been hit with tons of mommy guilt and feeling like a bad parent this morning.  No, I'm not looking for pity, I just need to get my frustration out.  Sometimes I really wonder if I'll ever get the hang of this parenting thing.  Right now I'm really frustrated!  I told Josh the other day that while Michael is adorable and so happy and sweet, this is my least favorite stage of parenting.  He looked at me and said it was his favorite and that I was crazy.  Maybe I'll enjoy it more when I can figure things out on my own instead of parenting websites.


Again, I didn't post a picture.  Sorry if my blog is starting to look really boring!  It is only 8am, and you don't want to see what Michael or I look like right now!

He Said...

For FHE tonight we read a story out of the Ensign that talked about who we are and the roles we play.  It said we have many roles but that our roles as parents are the most important.  At that point we told each other what our roles are.

Josh said something like this..."you're mama, the nurturer, the easy bake oven"
Me: "What?"
Josh:  "Well you put a few things in and bam, 9 months later...."

He trailed off as I laughed.  FHE ended pretty quick after that.

Michael Monday

Tuesday-Our house is pretty babyproofed so I let Michael crawl around on his own most of the time.  I was cleaning and he crawled off (I assumed he was eating the cheerios off the kitchen floor that he had thrown from his high chair earlier).  After a minute I started hearing whining noises from the front room.  I looked into the room and couldn't see him anywhere.  I decided to look in the corners while I kept hearing whining.  I found him, behind the couch.  The top of our couch touches the wall, but the bottom is about a foot away from the wall.  He had crawled about half way through and decided to sit up, where his head got stuck.

Wednesday-Found out how fun it is to unravel a roll of toilet paper.  It was adorable!

Thursday-Michael had a fever of 104, which we found out at the doctors office.  He was pretty sick, but he was super cuddly!  That night he repeatedly gave Josh kisses!  Michael's kisses are open mouthed, usually he tries to stick out his tongue or he bites you, so while they are sweet they are kinda gross.  Despite the grossness it was adorable to watch him repeatedly give kisses!

Friday-Slept most of the day.  He was super cuddly and adorable!

Saturday-Tried to climb into the toilet

Sunday-He has a habit of throwing his food on the ground while he's eating.  He had some bread for dinner and like usual started throwing it.  Eventually we stopped letting him feed himself and would put a piece of bread in his mouth...until we realized he was just grabbing it out of his mouth and dropping it on the floor when we weren't looking at him

Monday-Played Peek-a-Boo around the coffee table

Michael's 12 month checkup

Michael's 1 year checkup was late and I'm annoyed why.  We moved right before Michael's 6 month checkup.  I was unwilling to drive up to Logan for a checkup, so I had to find a new doctor.  It took a while for me to find a doctor, so his 6 month appointment was 2 weeks late.  When I went to schedule a 12 month appointment a receptionist lied to me about the timing.  She said because of kindergarten requirements the 12 month appointment (and shots) has to be exactly 6 months after the 6 month appointment (and shots).  What a load of crap!!  This is not the case, so don't ever believe anyone trying to deter you from making an appointment when you want.

Anyways Michael's doctor is amazing, just amazing!  So Michael woke up that morning with a fever.  When I took him into the doctor it had reached 104.  His doctor spent at least a half hour with us checking up on him, doing a strep test, asking about his development, discussing his milestones, and letting us know the most recent information about getting shots and having a fever at the same time.  He even called us later that night to see if Michael's fever had gone down.  Amazing!!  We didn't end up getting shots, but we're going back in a about a week.  Here are his stats:

Weight:  19.9 lbs; 9th percentile

Height: 29.75 in; 42nd percentile

Head: 18.5 in; 65th percentile

His doctor says he is well rounded.  He is a decent height, but just so small!  His weight will always be on the very small side.  His height doesn't really follow a pattern.  His head is continually getting bigger.  It has gradually increased from the 13th percentile since birth.  

Thanksgiving and Black Friday

We don't have any pictures from Thanksgiving.  I haven't taken many pictures lately because...well I feel huge in all of them!  But we had a great Thanksgiving!

Josh went and played football with my brother-in-law and some of his friends.  I know he had fun, but I didn't enjoy the complaints that his arms hurt all day :)

For lunch we went over to my parents house for a non-traditional lunch of BBQ turkey.  We had tons of fun and enjoyed the good food.  We could have gone to a movie but Michael doesn't do well with movies, so we went to our second Thanksgiving.

We had dinner with Josh's grandparents, his mom, and his brother.  It was a traditional Thanksgiving and very yummy.

On Black Friday we didn't do much shopping.  We ended up going to carter's later in the day and got a few baby clothes, but that was about it.  We had some friends come over and spend the night.  It was fun, but we had a few little problems, correction: Michael had problems.  He had a stomach virus and I ended up taking him to the doctor Saturday morning.  Josh went and played football again with some of his friends from high school.  Thankfully he wasn't as sore this time!

I should write a post about everything we are thankful for, but I have another post or two to write tonight, so I'll simply say I have the best family and I love them very much!

Michael's Party

Michael had an amazing birthday party!  I want to thank everyone who came and showed him their love.  He was definitely spoiled, but I think he deserves it!  We had a dinner of lasagna followed by a star wars cake.  You'll notice the cake says the traditional Happy Birthday Michael, it took some convincing on my part to make sure the cake did not say May the Force be with You.

Without further ado, the pictures...

His favorite part of opening presents was playing with the tissue paper

He wasn't too interested in the cake.  He enjoyed making a mess of it on his high chair try, but very little got in his mouth

Thanks again to everyone who came!

Post Overload

So I haven't blogged in like 3 weeks, and they have been a busy 3 weeks.  Sorry for the future overload of posts!!

1 year old!

Michael is 1!!!!  I really can't believe it!  In the last month so much has changed.  Michael has:

• started crawling everywhere!!
• started jibber-jabbering like crazy
• become even more of an attention seeker
• started listening to commands
• started ignoring commands
• learned that the house is for him to explore
• found a fascination with plugs, door stops, and heater vents
• figured out how to un-babyproof a few things
• discovered his love for tubs, toilets, and laundry rooms, but he still hates the shower
• pulling up everywhere, and holding himself up really well!
• figured out how to pull up on the piano bench, scoot over and grab the piano, and start playing it
• copy whatever Josh and I do

For Michael's birthday Josh came home a little early from work.  We took him to get his first hair cut.  I can't believe how much he needed it!

Before the hair cut in his cute little car

I asked for the easiest hair cut to maintain and he got a faux-hawk

Playing with the balloon he got :)  He loved this balloon!! I felt bad taking it away, but he was trying to eat it and pop it with his teeth

After we went to a party store to pick up stuff for his party on Saturday.  We were going to take him out to dinner but he started getting really fussy.  So we stopped by Wendy's and get him his favorite food, french fries.  He enjoyed more than half a medium fry by himself!  Normally I would freak out about that, but I figured it's his birthday and all he gets at home is formula, fruit, cheerios, and occasionally snippets of our dinner.  

Here is just a little (okay, big) overview of how much he has grown in the last year

About ten minutes after birth

The first time I got to hold him

Leaving the hospital

1st week home

First bath

6

7

8

9

10

11

12 months!

We have been lucky enough to have you with us for the last year!  You've given us some scares, and many sleepless nights wondering if we were going to make it (mostly before you were born). We've learned a lot from you, like patience, burping while you squirm, diapering while you squirm, and laughing when you puke and poop simultaneously on us.  Happy Birthday little man, we love you!

What we've been up to...

I feel like we've been up to a lot of random things lately that I want to blog about.  So here are what we've been doing (I'll save stuff about Michael for his birthday post tomorrow):

• Michael and I have made quite a few trips out.  We went to the zoo one day when Josh had a break between classes.  We went to the aquarium (which really is more fun for me).  We've walked around Trolley Square and City Creek.  We went to Gardner Village and bought some cute head bands for Elli (you can get the stretchy head bands for $1 at a little kids boutique there, they are usually $4 everywhere else). Josh has been able to meet us uptown quite a bit so we've enjoyed a lot of family time!
• Attempting to get ready for winter.  It took the first snow like two weeks ago for us to realize Josh needed to do that stuff.  Since then Josh has had an eternal struggle to keep the lawn mower 'winterized'.  It isn't ours and we don't know how his grandparents have winterized it in the past.  After watching 5 hilarious attempts of Josh driving the lawn mower up planks to get it into the too small shed it ended up outside under a tree.  We ended up covering it with a tarp, but that refuses to stay on it.  Every few days Josh is out there putting more and more rocks on the tarp to get it to stay put.  
• Seeing a ton of deer.  If we bought a tag we wouldn't have to go anywhere, just sit outside and wait for the deer to come eat our plants.  We see one on average once a day, they are usually in our driveway at night.
• I've been getting bigger and bigger.  If you haven't noticed I have posted very few pictures of myself lately.  I believe that the camera adds 10lbs, but when you're pregnant it adds 30lbs.  In reality I don't think I'm bloated like pictures make me look...so I refuse to post them.  People keep asking when I'm due.  I think they expect me to say in a week, but I still have one trimester left :(.  When you're as short as me the baby just doesn't have anywhere to hide.
• We've both gotten new callings...sorta.  I'm an activity days leader and have my first activity on Friday, but still have no idea what's going on.  Josh is soon to be in the scouts.  He was told to do all the certification stuff for it.  We still feel out of place in this ward.  I know it takes a while to fit in, but this is a deep rooted ward.  People have been in it for the last 40+ years.  They know each others grandkids.  So it will take a while to find a place.
• My sister had her 30th birthday party and we had a murder mystery party :).  It was pretty awesome and worked out great!  Josh was basically an Italian mobster and I was his pregnant fiancé, who was really impregnated by his twin bother who was killed.  Then we had an amazing cheesecake! 

 Life has been moving at a rapid pace.  We feel like we are just running and running.  It's hard to imagine that a year ago today Josh and I were out eating spicy food, going on a walk, and trying to get our baby boy would be here.  

Halloween

I've been so slow to update because Josh's computer is the only one I upload photos to, and he's had it at work and school a lot lately.

For Halloween we did our usual, went to my sisters for dinner and trick-or-treating around her neighborhood.  We love this tradition and hope it continues.  Usually we walk around with my nieces to a few houses and head back and watch a movie.  This year we took Michael out.  Josh didn't really want any candy so we walked around to houses but only went to one or two doors.  Here is our adorable little lion!

He wasn't thrilled with the hood

Josh trying to get Michael to roar

Kids and Rejection

As I've mentioned before, I read blogs on babycenter.  There are a few I love, some that annoy me, others that never interest me.  There is one blogger that always annoys me.  She knows what to say to make me think I'm never going to be like her.  Anyways she has one daughter in elementary that isn't completely there socially.  She blogs about it a LOT (poor little girl).  Well today she blogged about the injustice of kids not being invited to birthday parties.  She generally seems to want to get rid of every form of "bullying" that could possibly hurt her child.

Here's a news flash for this mom:

Everyone gets rejected at some point in their life. 

It might suck that your child didn't get invited to a party, but your child isn't the only one, and you don't understand the circumstances.  There are thousands of reasons for being rejected.  In the birthday case, there is: 1) they can only invite 3 people 2) they have to have the same number of girls and boys 3) the parents must know the parents of the children being invited 4) the party only included one friend and the rest family 5) a million more reasons that may seem ridiculous but are completely legitimate. 

It's a harsh reality, but the fact is that since everyone gets rejected, it is better that it happen younger in life, and over something so meaningless.  We live in a world where parents tend to coddle their kids.  It isn't surprising that the first time some kids hear the word no is when they aren't accepted to a certain college.  Imagine the damage that does to their psyche.

So kids will be rejected.  Plain and simple.  So what do you teach your kids about rejection? 

• Rejection is rarely personal.  There are more reasons to every decision than you could ever imagine
• Not to reject because of a personal reason.  Reject for logical reasons.  It is logical to reject someone that asked you to a dance when you've already been asked.  That's not personal. 
• Rejection happens.  Every day.  It doesn't happen because the world stinks or is unfair.  On the contrary, it would be unfair if one person was never rejected while all others were. 
• Make the connection between rejection not being personal and not letting your child take it to heart. 

Now the thing that is hard is when rejection is personal.  Maybe this is why I got so upset over the post, the mother took it as a personal rejection without looking at the logic of it.  If is seems personal you have to step back and see if it really is.  We are so protective of our kids that it always seems personal.  If in fact it is, then what do you tell your child?  You can reinstate that this is why they don't reject people on a personal level.  You can tell them that sometimes this is just what happens in life.  Maybe they just need a shoulder to cry on, and one I know moms are willing to spare (no matter how many boogers will get on that new shirt).

You might look at your young child and want to make everything bad go away, but sometimes you can't.  It's better they learn rejection early, and ways to cope with it. 

So to this mom who takes everything surrounding her child as a "bullying" experience: you are only teaching her that all rejection is personal, especially since you take it personally.  You are also teaching her that her world should change to accommodate her, which we all know doesn't happen.  From now on I'll make sure you didn't write a post before I read it!

Chiropractor

Michael has started crawling!  It has been amazing!  It took forever but we are excited!  Last week we found out why it took so long. 

Our home teachers came over and we found out one of them is a chiropractor.  He asked about Michael and he took a look at him.  It turns out his sacroiliac joint was out.  He put it back into place for us. 

The chiropractor said that some babies start crawling the same day they have something that big put back into place, but he didn't.  However, he started making progress.  He was getting up on his knees every chance he could, he started pulling up more, and he somehow became even more active than before.  Fast forward to 3 days ago and he started crawling. 

Now it may seem a little crazy that he really had something out.  I was skeptical at first.  How could Michael have his leg out and we not notice?  He didn't seem to be in pain.  He wasn't favoring one leg over the other.  His doctor didn't say anything was wrong.  He just wasn't crawling. 

In retrospect I assume it's been out sometime between when he was 4-8 months.  At 4 months he was rolling around and considered to be ahead of other babies.  He should have sat up on his own around 6 months, but it didn't happen until he was 8 months. 

I learned a valuable lesson.  When you think something is wrong, it probably is.  My quick developing baby got so far behind for "no reason". 

I've been converted to believe that chiropractors can do a lot of what they promise.  When Josh officially gets his job and real insurance we are both going to the chiropractor (if you've ever heard Josh pop some of the things on his body you would send him to one).  I'm still a little wary about whether they can cure things like ADHD, but I guess I'll find out if I ever cross that bridge.

Little Lion

Update on Cloth Diapers

Cloth diapering has been great!!  We've hit a few bump along the way, but overall I've loved it!

 

These are half of Michael's diapers

 

After some experimenting we ended up getting the bumgenius 4.0 diapers.  They have inserts that you stuff inside the diaper.  Meaning when he poops and pees it gets on the diaper, but the poop stays on the diaper.  The pee is soaked up by the insert.  They have worked great for us!  The inserts are microfiber so they are super absorbent.  I've heard that they start to stink after a while, but they are so cheap I don't mind buying a pack of inserts every 6 months.

We still use the first diapers, the gDiapers, we got him, but with the bumgenius inserts.  The inserts that came with the gDiapers leaked like crazy!  The gDiapers are great for when he pees because the insert is right on his bum.  If he pees we can just pull the insert out and put a new insert in.  But if he poops we have to clean the insert and the snap in cover.  So I like to use these later in the day when I think he is done pooping. 

I think people are disgusted about how to clean these, so I will tell you how I do it.  Like I said before the inserts in the bumgenius diapers only get pee on them.  So I just pull these out and throw them in our wastebasket/diaper pail.  If he's only peed I throw the diaper in the pail and call it good. 

If he poops I make sure to take the diaper to the bathroom right away.  I bought a little kitchen scrubbing brush (the $2 plastic ones at Ikea) and it sits in a very diluted solution of bleach in the bathroom.  I grab the top end by the snaps, and the bottom end where it's stretchy and turn it inside out.  I then scrub until the poop is off.  Sometimes I flush halfway through if the diaper was really loaded.  I then hold it over the toilet and let it drip a little.  I bought some of the bumGenius diaper spray and I use that on poopy diapers.  I throw this in the pail with the rest.

After we put Michael to sleep I start a load of laundry.  I use a hot water cycle with an extra rinse.  I put a tiny bit of Tide in and call it good.  When they are done I hang dry both the diapers and inserts. 

It really doesn't take that much time out of my day.  In the morning I grab all of his diapers and stuff them while we play in his room.

Why I won't go back to disposables...

We don't have the biggest stash of cloth diapers.  When I see a coupon for buybuyBaby I go get another one.  Every once in a while Michael ends up in a disposable.  This usually happens at night, or when he has pooped for the 3rd time that day and I sense there is more to come.  The last 2 times I have put Michael in a disposable he has gotten chemical burns on his bum.  Yup, not just a diaper rash, but actual burns!  He bleeds a little and I can see skin peeling off.  I've read that cloth diapers can do that after a while if they aren't washed enough (from the ammonia build-up).  The first time it happened I didn't want to blame either method right away.  But after the second time I knew it was from disposables.  He is still recovering from the last burn. 

I don't know how his bum chemistry changed that much in the last month of us using cloth diapers, but it has!  When I started researching this I found quite a few moms who said their newborns had chemical burns all over them and they couldn't figure it out until they switched to cloth diapers.  I've heard the same about babies with eczema. 

Now I'll be realistic, we will have to use disposables every now and then.  In fact, you can't use bum creams with cloth diapers, so after we discover a chemical burn we put him in a disposable and change him every hour, applying a TON of butt cream.  After a few hours we give him a bath and switch him back to cloth diapers. 

We will also use disposables when someone is watching him.  I don't think many people are comfortable changing a cloth diaper.  Josh and I still try not to do it in public if we can avoid it.  We usually throw the diaper in a bag and deal with it later, but how many people are willing to stuff a poopy diaper in a bag and hand it to you to take home?  So we will just have to load up on the butt cream when we hand him over to anyone, which isn't very often.  We actually enjoy taking Michael on date nights with us now, now that he can eat bread and french fries he is great at any restaurant. 

Sorry if this post just seems to never end!  Anyways, if you've ever had the desire to cloth diaper, do it!  It isn't hard and doesn't take that much time out of your day.  I found out most of my information by looking at a few blogs of cloth diapering moms.  Two of which have twins.  It really isn't that crazy!

A few photos

Zoo Trip

So these pictures are from almost a month ago.  We went to the zoo one day when Josh had a long break between classes.  It was perfect fall weather and we couldn't help but enjoy ourselves!

Looking at the sea lions and seals

The seals kept swimming like this in front of us

If you look close enough you will see the baby leopard

I don't know what he's trying to get at but it's cute

Michael doesn't know what to think about the carousel

Am I crunchy?

Is this me??? Okay, obviously this is a guy, but besides that! 

I read quite a few blogs on babycenter.  Last week I came across one titled Are You Crunchy?  At first I thought it would be funny to see what the questions were like.  When the first question was about making homemade cleaners I got a little scared.  For the time being I don't make homemade cleaners, but I've definitely wanted to.  I continued on cautiously, thinking I might discover something about myself that was possibly life changing.

At the end of the quiz I took a deep breath when I only scored a three (as in not crunchy at all, but not against those that are).  A second wave of fear washed over me, no I don't do most of the things on the list, but how many did I want to at least try?  My score would have been an 8!!! (as in you're crunchy, no doubt about it)

Am I really crunchy?  Is it possible?  I wasn't raised that way at all.  I enjoy McDonalds and Tide, and that isn't about to change....or is it? 

It wasn't too crazy for me to get a three, all it took was cloth diapering (which is going great!), recycling, and making baby food (which I still do on occasion).  But when it came to what I want to do, then it became crazy.  Yes, I have a desire to eat organic (I tried this when we moved back to Salt Lake but Josh really wasn't into it).  I wouldn't mind being vegetarian, but I think I'm more of a meat once a week person.  I would gladly make homemade cleaners, I just haven't done it yet. I would easily compost (this is something I've wanted to do for a while but I'm not willing to pay for a composter).  An extra point came from using cloth wipes which is something I've already decided to try when I get a diaper sprayer, for now it is just a possibility.

I never thought of myself as being a crunchy.  It never seemed like a lifestyle change I could make so quickly.  I've been married barely longer than two years, doesn't something so drastic take a decade at least??  At this rate I could be full on crunchy in the next three years.  Should I be scared?  Amazed?  confused?  Or some combination of all three.  It's identity crisis time!

My Endorsement

Have you ever walked into a store and absolutely loved it?  It doesn't matter what it is, but you just love it?  For a long time mine was Bed, Bath, and Beyond.  I walked in there and wanted everything!  Well I found a new store, buybuyBABY.  Coincidentally they are owned by Bed, Bath, and Beyond...so of course I LOVED it!  Also....my life is currently consumed by babies so why wouldn't I love it??  I've already made a wish-list of things I want:

• More bumGenius diapers.  I bought a few and I want all of them!! The only drawback is they don't have all of the colors at the store, but I still love them
• The iPad protector...even though I don't have an iPad, but the pictures on the package make it look amazing!
• Aden + Anais baby blankets, even though they seem very thin
• Sofie's giraffe, even though I think they are overpriced
• One of the fifty different slings
• One of the hundred diaper bags
• The adorable monkey plates
• A swing
• The Ferrari walker
• Beaba spoons
• ....basically everything else in the store!!

Some of my list is unrealistic, especially the spoons...who would pay $25 for 6 baby spoons?!?  But the list grows every time I walk into the store.  Josh thought I was obsessed...until I took him with me last night and he loved it too.  If we have enough kids I think we will own almost everything in that store.

11 Months

It's a little blurry but I couldn't resist posting this cute, crazy face!

I can't believe it's been almost a year!  Time is whizzing past.  Michael has been pretty busy this month.  Michael has:

• Pulled up for the first time
• Started pushing himself up on his knees from his stomach
• Pushed himself up to sitting from his tummy

I know he will start crawling soon! 

Today we got some good news.  After months of seeing doctors and specialists about Michael's throat his specialist told us today that he believes the white lump in his mouth is benign.  It's such a relief to us!  Michael is too little to be put under for an "elective" surgery to see if the lump is cancerous or not.  Since it hasn't changed in the last 3 months the doctor is pretty certain it isn't anything to worry about. 

Now to planning his first birthday party...

Pros and Cons of Cloth Diapering

So I've kept up with cloth diapering during the day so far.  It's been a little different, but it's not as much of a change as I expected.  So here are my pros and cons:

Pros:

• Any stains came right off. Michael has managed to poop only in one insert (not that he's only pooped once, but he seems to know which one to poop in) and it look pretty white!

• The peep on inserts don't smell at all
• I can hang dry all of them
• He hasn't pooped through a cloth diaper!!! This means I haven't cleaned up a blowout in the last week!

Cons:

• The one pooped on insert does have a little bit of a smell.  I guess I don't have the right detergent so I'll have to try another
• Cloth diapers aren't as absorbant.  He has peed through them twice
• They won't last through the night

Overall I'm not sure what to do.  I might stick with both.  If he only wears one disposable a night it would take over 7 months to go through one box, which is really cheap.  For now we are still in the trial phase.  Next I need to find a detergent that works better. 

Cloth Diaper Experiment

When I was first pregnant I wanted to use cloth diapers.  Not because of all the environmental reasons (which I always countered with using more water to wash them), but because they were cheaper and intrigued me.  The reason I didn't get them is because 1) the initial cost is expensive 2) I had no idea what I was doing 3) I wasn't comfortable with the idea of touching baby poop quite yet. 

Fast forward to now:

• I'm over the baby poop thing.  Especially since Michael has a blow out every other day.
• I've done a lot more research.  I looked at reviews, mom blogs about cloth diapering, and
• Michael's cloth diapers will pay themselves off in about 6 months, and he will be in them for 2 more years.  Elli's will pay themselves off in the first 2 months. 

But I didn't go crazy.  We are just in a trial phase right now.  I bought Michael two diapers and 6 inserts. 

Here is one of his little diapers.  Cute right?

Here are the little pouches inside them.  They are supposed to act as a waterproof shield. 

Here are the inserts.  The label said to wash and dry them 3 times before putting them on him to increase their absorbency. 

I'm excited to try them! 

I forgot I was pregnant

This is overall how I've felt this pregnancy.  Yes, I've had annoying nausea, but that went away about two months ago.  Ever since then I find myself forgetting I'm pregnant (minus the fact that I can't see my knees when I look down).  Can you blame me?  With Michael I had had close to twenty doctors appointments, about ten ultrasounds, and two ER visits by this point.  With this baby I've had three doctors appointments, one blood draw, and two routine ultrasounds.  I would love it if this forgetting would continue for another three months, but I think I'm getting too big for that.

When I was pregnant with Michael I was in a student married ward, this equalled a lot of pregnant women.  I couldn't believe how many of them said they love pregnancy.  I wanted to throw my stretched out shoe at their heads.  But now....I think I'm understand how you can like pregnancy.  You just have to forget you're pregnant, ignore the crazy hormones telling you to cry every time you realize you didn't change the laundry, and hope the baby kicks during the day so you can sleep at night.  It's just that simple, right?

Life on the farm

Okay, okay I don't live on a farm, but I think it's close enough.  In the last few weeks I've been woken up by:

• A dog that barked all night.  Now that isn't that countryish but I believe it was barking because of a loose chicken
• Roosters
• A cow that sounded like it was tipped
• A horse...which is really confusing because I don't believe there is a horse within a mile of our house

I think it's time to soundproof our room!

Why I get angry so quickly...

So lately I feel like I've had to defend my choice to have another baby so soon.  It gets me a little mad that I have to keep saying the same things over and over again!  Like:

• This baby was planned.  Everyone assumes this baby was a surprise.  Not even close!  Josh and I decided to have another baby when Michael was 2 months old.  Yes, it might be a little crazy, but we have our reasons.
• We aren't scared or freaking out more than we would if our babies were going to be further apart.  I have moments where I wonder how I'm going to be able to go grocery shopping alone, but I don't freak about things like that.  
• Our family is not complete if we have any say in it.  We have felt that our family will be bigger than 4, but we don't know the exact timing of everything.  Having two kids close together is not my attempt to have my kids and be done.  It isn't so I can relax when both of my kids are in school 5 years after having my first.  

Another reason this all makes me so mad is because of the comments I keep getting.  Mostly about never getting sleep, or going out of mind with 2 so young, or the 'good luck' comment while  people silently chuckle to themselves.  Sometimes I want to hit them in the head and say "DUH!" Do you really think those things didn't cross my mind?  Even if this baby wasn't planned what do you think your comments are really accomplishing? (I would feel miserable if I had to hear this repeatedly if the baby was a surprise)

So why do people say these things?  Why is it impossible for us to say congratulations and silently think how crazy someone is?  Why do I get so angry when I hear these comments or have to answer the same questions?  Is it because I get offended by people assuming they know what is going on in my personal life, or because I'm tired of repeating myself?

Here is an example:

Yesterday Josh and I went to a ward party.  Now we are new to the ward and haven't gotten to know many people.  Part of this has to do with Michael not being very good in church lately.  There is a woman who lives near me who is now my visiting teacher.  I made some comment about Michael and getting used to other kids.  Now I am twenty weeks along and look pregnant, but I had on a huge shirt so I might still be in the fat stage.  She looked at my stomach for a minute and finally asked if I was expecting.  I told her I was.  While she tried to say it in a nice way, she was basically saying 'wow, two kids so close, good luck, sorry that happened'.  I then went on to tell her how we planned to have this baby close to Michael.  Her eyebrows shot up and she looked stunned that I would ever think of doing that.  Now she was (and still is) a nice woman who I look forward to being my visiting teacher, but I was mad about the situation.  

To everyone out there that has gone through this, even if your kids are farther apart, I'm so sorry! If I ever made any of these comments feel free to hit me in the head and say "duh"!  Hopefully when this baby is 6 months or so these comments will stop!

It's a girl!!

I'm sure most of you know this by now, but I thought I'd post it on here!  We are having a little girl due....Feb 1st, 4th, or 2nd.  I think they should just give you a week when you're due instead of a day that they change repeatedly!  We are both excited but we felt like we already knew it was a girl.

I didn't want to know what the baby was, but Josh did.  So I decided to have Josh find out in the hospital and tell me later.  He looked while they wrote it on the photo, then he went and bought some clothes at Carter's.  When we got home I opened them with Michael and we found out together :)  This way Josh got to know what the baby was and I had an excuse to get cute baby clothes!

10 months!

Michael turned ten months old the other day and all I can think about is his amazing personality!  Michael is:

• Independent!  He knows what he wants to do when he wants to do it.  Since birth we have let him create his own little schedule and we have followed him.  We have let him go at his own pace with a lot of things.  Some things he wants to do quickly, like feed himself.  Other things he has decided to hold back on, like crawling.
• Curious!  When he gets a new toy he has to look at it for a while.  Then hold it and turn it over and over.  Then finally he will chew on it for a long while.  He wants to get into everything!
• Observant....This one is great for him but not so much for us.  He wants our phones all of the time.  He knows which way to hold it and put it up to his ear.  He also knows when he has the wrong remote. 
• Talkative!  Michael has always been a little loud :)  He doesn't cry very often but it's not unusual to hear him talking loudly in church.  He said his first word today!  He's been saying mama and dada for a while but he hasn't figured out who is who.  Today he said yeah.  I asked him questions and he would respond yeah to those that deserved a yes answer.  He gave me a sour face with the no questions.  His great-grandma watched him while I was at the doctor and he was doing it for her as well.
• Adorable :)  Just have to add this one in! 

He hates the camera!

So...see that ring on the floor?  Guess what it is?  Yes, it is poop. Michael had a blowout diaper. Instead of crawling he just moves on his butt and turns around.  Well he turned around and around while he was pooping until there was a perfect circle.  What a little artist :P

Too much time on the computer!