Kids and Rejection

As I've mentioned before, I read blogs on babycenter.  There are a few I love, some that annoy me, others that never interest me.  There is one blogger that always annoys me.  She knows what to say to make me think I'm never going to be like her.  Anyways she has one daughter in elementary that isn't completely there socially.  She blogs about it a LOT (poor little girl).  Well today she blogged about the injustice of kids not being invited to birthday parties.  She generally seems to want to get rid of every form of "bullying" that could possibly hurt her child.

Here's a news flash for this mom:

Everyone gets rejected at some point in their life. 

It might suck that your child didn't get invited to a party, but your child isn't the only one, and you don't understand the circumstances.  There are thousands of reasons for being rejected.  In the birthday case, there is: 1) they can only invite 3 people 2) they have to have the same number of girls and boys 3) the parents must know the parents of the children being invited 4) the party only included one friend and the rest family 5) a million more reasons that may seem ridiculous but are completely legitimate. 

It's a harsh reality, but the fact is that since everyone gets rejected, it is better that it happen younger in life, and over something so meaningless.  We live in a world where parents tend to coddle their kids.  It isn't surprising that the first time some kids hear the word no is when they aren't accepted to a certain college.  Imagine the damage that does to their psyche.

So kids will be rejected.  Plain and simple.  So what do you teach your kids about rejection? 

• Rejection is rarely personal.  There are more reasons to every decision than you could ever imagine
• Not to reject because of a personal reason.  Reject for logical reasons.  It is logical to reject someone that asked you to a dance when you've already been asked.  That's not personal. 
• Rejection happens.  Every day.  It doesn't happen because the world stinks or is unfair.  On the contrary, it would be unfair if one person was never rejected while all others were. 
• Make the connection between rejection not being personal and not letting your child take it to heart. 

Now the thing that is hard is when rejection is personal.  Maybe this is why I got so upset over the post, the mother took it as a personal rejection without looking at the logic of it.  If is seems personal you have to step back and see if it really is.  We are so protective of our kids that it always seems personal.  If in fact it is, then what do you tell your child?  You can reinstate that this is why they don't reject people on a personal level.  You can tell them that sometimes this is just what happens in life.  Maybe they just need a shoulder to cry on, and one I know moms are willing to spare (no matter how many boogers will get on that new shirt).

You might look at your young child and want to make everything bad go away, but sometimes you can't.  It's better they learn rejection early, and ways to cope with it. 

So to this mom who takes everything surrounding her child as a "bullying" experience: you are only teaching her that all rejection is personal, especially since you take it personally.  You are also teaching her that her world should change to accommodate her, which we all know doesn't happen.  From now on I'll make sure you didn't write a post before I read it!