Things that only happen when I run

I've started running again here and there.  When Elli has woken up 5 times during the night and I have to work, or worked the night before I just don't make it.  Since Elli wakes up 5 times every night that's not really an excuse, but I'm still using it. 

On the days I don't have the energy to rationalize not going and finally get my butt outside I've noticed the following happen:

• I like waking up, after the run of course.  When I'm rolling out of bed every day around 6:30 I really just want to go back to bed.  After I run I'm happy I didn't make Michael cry it out until 7.  It's also easier to forget that Elli woke up at 10, 12, 2, 4, and 6.
• I like taking cold showers.  Josh will greatly appreciate this because normally I use up all of the hot water for the rest of the day.
• Dishes get done.  When I get home I shower then put kids down for naps, but I'm too wired to go to sleep, so I usually clean.  Or in this case blog.
• Michael is extra cranky after his nap.  Well it couldn't all be good.  He usually didn't get out the energy he needed to before his nap and is now groggy and hyper.  Usually he is crying as he runs head first into walls and doors.  Then he cries harder because he got hurt.  When I try and pick him up or kiss him better he screams.  I think I need to stop at a park on the way home, but Elli usually doses off a little and wakes up whenever I stop pushing.  Maybe I need to figure something else out.

Unfortunately I don't have extra energy.  I don't see the results.  I don't feel the results, except sore feet and knees.  Hopefully that will change soon, you know, when I'm not gasping for air like I've been drowning and hanging on to the stroller for dear life.

Perfectionism

I'm an all or nothing kind of person.

I want 10 kids or 2.

I want to start 3 quilts, two cross-stiches, and a painting project all at once, not just one at a time.

I will deep clean the whole house, or nothing will get done.

I will make a healthy, fancy dinner, or Josh makes dinner.

Why am I this way?  I blame it on being a perfectionist.  If it's not perfect I really don't see the point.  I get these big ideas in my head about how I can manage everything perfectly and dive right in.  I mean, why put my name on something that I know isn't great?  Yup, I agree with you, poor Josh. 

This will never, and I mean NEVER change.

In a way this is what I love most about myself (not my brutal honestly, which I hate most about myself).  While I procrastinate things that I know I can't do perfectly at the time being, they will get done, and as close to perfect as humanly possible.  A lot of times I take on too much.  Sometimes I end up overwhelmed, or I have to put something away for a while (which has happened to too many of my sewing projects), or sometimes just take a step back and refocus.  In the end I am always happy.  There might be a little stress involved but at least it ends up perfect.

I would like to add that Josh read this post while I was typing it and starting laughing at the truth of it all.  He would like to add more of my crazy perfectionist tendencies, but I thought it made me sound a little too crazy....so I'll leave the list as it is.

Memorial Day

Yesterday we decided to pay a visit to some of our good friends in Logan.  After the long drive we took Michael to the park for a while to get out all of his energy. We had the most authentic Mexican food (yes, in Logan) at La Tormenta.  Then we went and took some pictures around the tabernacle.  It was a fun little holiday for us.

Do you see Michael running away in the background?

We would only go back to Logan for our amazing friends!

Photo A Day 5/20 - 5/26

5/20

Just reading upside down...and backwards

5/21

 Her favorite toy

 5/22

 5/23

Michael decided he wanted to ride in Elli's carseat

5/24
Michael can do the puzzle by himself now, if only we could find the diamond piece

5/25

See that crazy long tongue?

5/26

Surprised in the tub

4 months and counting

Elli turned 4 months old yesterday!  We have a sweet, happy little girl who is growing like a weed!

She has started to laugh and started an attention cough.  She has continued to roll over more and more and has sat up for at least ten seconds on her own, but I still have my hands hovering around her just in case.  On top of all of this she is starting to reach for toys, unfortunately Michael likes to take them all away from her.

Our two kids seem to really love each other.  Michael is constantly giving her hugs and kisses.  When she's crying he will pat her head, try to hold her hand, or grab the nose suction and try to stick it up her nose.  Just cute!

She has started sleeping a little bit better.  Luckily for Josh she has started taking a bottle with less fuss.  Overall she is growing up in every way.

Newborn

Elli is curled up on my lap sleeping her baby days away.  She is 2 days away from being 4 months old.  She has been rolling over for a while now and can sit up by herself for at least 10 seconds.  She  smiles and laughs now.  I look down at this cute little girl and realize she is quickly outgrowing being my baby.  Soon, but never soon enough it seems, I will be holding another precious newborn in my arms.  Until then all I can think about is how fast she is growing.  Soon she will be just like Michael. 

Soon Elli will hide my kitchen utensils.  Kick the walls when I put her down for naps.  Ask for 50 'nanas' a day, and I'll reluctantly give her 5.  Soon she will throw my contact case at me when I'm in the shower, then flush the toilet until the water is burning hot, and sometimes rip off her clothes and jump in.  She'll throw toys in the toilet.  She will find every roll or toilet paper and kleenex box and rip everything to shreds.  She will discover a love for hiding things.  She will discover saying the word 'dada' thousands of times a day will sometimes mean mom will drive the 30 miles to his work so she can see him during lunch.

Some of these things I hope she learns, others I can do without.  Okay, all of them I can do without, but I love when Michael does them so I will love when she does them too.  Either way, she is no longer a newborn, and hasn't been since she rolled over almost two months ago.  Or since she stopped sleeping 16+ hours a day.  Or learned to respond to her name.  Or started spinning herself around on her tummy. 

People have asked me lately when we are going to have another baby.  Most of them are joking because they think we were crazy to have these two so close together, but I think some are genuinely curious (they probably think we are crazy too).  The answer to that question honestly hurts me a little bit.  I already want another baby.  Josh does too, although he wishes Elli would sleep better first.  At the time being we can't have another baby, but we would in a heartbeat (well I guess 9 months worth of heartbeats).  There is a lot of laughing and tons of smiles around here all day, and I would love to have another one to join in.  Until then I'll try to hold on to my baby girl as long as possible.

Little Miracles

It's no secret things have been a little tight for us financially.  We didn't expect my maternity deductible to not cover Elli.  We didn't expect to get a bill from Michael's birth that the insurance we had back then should have paid for.  We didn't expect to take Elli to a Cardiologist.  We didn't expect our cars to keep breaking down.  Yes, life is full of the unexpected, but at some point you just look up to the sky and ask for a break.

To be completely honest it's made me really angry.  Elli was supposed to come to our family when she did, Josh and I both know that.  So then we were left wondering why everything seemed to keep hitting us when we were down.  It felt like a slap in the face to really feel like we were told to have a baby and then be thrown all of these bills.  These bills weren't the difference between us not going on our yearly vacation, these bills meant I had to get a job at night.

On top of that Josh saw firsthand that his former job has no future.  He had another year as a co-op, but there were four others who graduated this year who didn't have jobs with the company and only one had found another job.  One of them was going to Boise to live with his family and mow lawns to support his wife and baby.  He was offered a Co-op job somewhere else that is a pay-cut, but has a future.  He had to take the pay-cut and get out while he still had a chance.

Once it all adds up it has been a little too much to bare.  When we were at our breaking point a few little miracles happened just to help us out.

First, our neighbor gave us her double jogging stroller because they are moving and don't want to pack it with them.  I've wanted a double jogger so I can take both kids on walks or go to the park.  I had an opportunity to get another one for free but I would have had to replace the wheels.  This one is in great shape and has been wonderful so far.

Then my grandparents bought us some diapers that were the perfect size.  How my grandma knew exactly what size my kids needed is still a mystery to me.

Recently my aunt moved to Colorado.  Her moving truck was a little small so she couldn't fit everything.  When it came down to it she couldn't fit her small couch.  Josh and I gave our couch to some friends when we left Logan, but we had nowhere to store it until we moved into this apartment (and it wouldn't have fit in here anyways).  We've been using Elli's rocker and a desk chair for the last two months.  She graciously offered it to us and we took it right away.

Lastly, the neighbors who are moving gave us a huge bag of baby girl clothes.  They are in their mid-thirties and are not having any more kids, so they passed on a bunch of good stuff (and tons of baby shoes!).

Things are still tight, and they will be for quite a while, but it's nice to know we got a little help.  Sometimes a small win here and there can help when you feel on the losing side of a battle.

18 Months

Sunday I wrote about Michael turning 18 months and going to nursery.  Today I'll tell you a little bit more about him and how he has grown up in the last 6 months.

Michael is one happy kid.  For being a grumpy newborn he has changed a ton!  He is usually always in a good mood, unless of course he does something wrong and I say no to him, at which point he falls apart and gets giant crocodile tears.  He also wants to play all the time.  When I tell him he can't he falls apart too.

Michael talks a lot.  A LOT!  And loudly, but I'm sure all of you knew that already.  He talks to strangers too.  Lately he's been saying more words and phrases.  On top of a lot of nouns, he has started saying what, where, that, and want.  Yesterday he kept saying "want go bye bye, where dada, want dada".  I translated that to mean we need to see daddy now. 

Despite loving daddy so much he has become very independent.  He is perfectly content to play in his room for a while by himself.  He loves to go in the kitchen and get out all of my mixing bowls and utensils and play with them, it could entertain him for hours.  He wants to do everything by himself lately.  He opens doors, he tries to buckle himself in, he feeds himself a lot, he grabs things off of counters he thinks he needs, he tries to grab his toothbrush out of our hands, and he will push his high chair to where he wants to eat in the house.  Luckily he leaves the diapering to me (except when he took off his diaper and ran around the house and peed in my room).

He loves other kids.  Surprisingly he can be a little shy, but he loves other kids.  He tries to play with them and gets a big smile when he sees someone his size.

Michael loves Elli.  At first I didn't think he did, or could, but he does.  He is always giving her hugs.  Lately he tries to hold her hand if she is crying, especially if they are in the stroller.  I put her on her tummy yesterday because she had some gas and she was crying pretty bad.  I told Michael to comfort her and he started softly patting her back.  The rare times when he says "love you" are usually directed at her.

He listens a little.  Today I told him to grab some socks and get in the stroller.  He followed my directions perfectly the first time I said them, except he grabbed his one single sock instead of a pair.  I think he understands most of what I'm saying but chooses to ignore it because in his little mind he is still #1.

While he still thinks he is the only person in the world that matters he isn't as bad since Elli joined the family.  Somehow he understands that when I'm telling him to be patient while I'm feeding her I am still validating his need to play but letting him know she matters too.  It has made life much more pleasant.

Michael is crazy.  Yesterday he walked right off my bed and got wedged between Elli's crib and the bed.  It took some strong pulls to get him out.  He has a big bump on his head from trying to climb up a big pillow into his crib and falling off the pillow and smacking his head on the crib.  He is constantly trying to climb up things, like the glider and stepping stool.  I love this about him because he is fearless and I get some good cuddles in if he gets hurt.

There is so much more I could tell you about this little man, but I will leave you with some cute pictures instead!

He's started coloring and he loves it

See the spoon in his hand?  Uploading this picture was how I discovered it was in the dryer

Luckily this has only interested him once

Besides shushing me he now loves to plug his ears a lot

His black eye after a few days

These are only from the last 3 months.  As you can tell he loves his PJ's and his high chair.  I give up on real clothes unless we leave the house.

Best Mothers Day present ever!

The best present I got by far was Michael turning 18 months and going to nursery.  Church had become unbearable.  For the last two months I've been roaming the halls with him during sacrament and we usually end up leaving church early because he's so grumpy and screaming while he runs through the halls.

Yesterday was an entirely different story!  Because it was Mother's Day all of the men took over the primary, so Josh had to teach a lesson.  I took Michael into nursery and sat in a corner.  At first they were trying to sing songs and have all of the kids sit in chairs.  All of the kids were great at this....except Michael.  He was running from empty chair to empty chair climbing all over them.  He even tried to climb up and sit on other children.  But he wasn't screaming, he was happy. 

Elli got hungry and Michael seemed content so I went to feed her.  When I came back I looked through the little window and saw him coloring.  Well, other kids were coloring, Michael was breaking and trying to eat crayons, but he had a huge smile on his face.  I let him be and went to relief society for a little while.  Elli got fussy so I went back into the mothers room and rocked her to sleep.  When I checked on him again he was sitting in the middle of a pile of toys, no doubt licking them, throwing them, banging on them, and hoarding them from other kids.  He really seemed happy!  Josh got him after nursery and he was one happy boy.  He also took a very long nap when we got home!

Happy Mothers Day!

Feeding time

I thought I'd share with you some of my struggles and triumphs lately with Michael's eating habits.

First is self-feeding.  I rarely let this happen.  In fact, I only let him feed himself yogurt because it sticks to the spoon so well.

Then of course every time I put him in his high chair he is doing this 2 minutes later.

 He is also completely changing what foods he likes.  Now he wants nothing to do with peanut butter sandwiches or cheese quesadillas.  Instead he wants stir fry (he loves broccoli and carrots now), thai noodles, enchilladas, spaghetti, and ravioli.  In a way I'm happier that he is wanting to eat what I consider real food a little bit more, but it's a pain when I have to start making dinner at 3pm so I can eat and feed him before going to work.

Let's not forget how much food I find on the floor, between his fingers, and smashed all over his clothes.  For now I'm enjoying breastfeeding Elli.

Josh, Robot

Josh's semester is over!  This has been one of the most stressful semesters we have ever had, despite the fact that Josh only had 3 classes compared to the usual 5.  I wish I could say it was so stressful because we had a baby in the middle of it, but that would be a huge lie.  Elli didn't make the semester rough at all.  Besides, I had her on a Friday and the only class Josh missed was the one he left early to rush me to the hospital.  What made it a rough semester was this robot.

It had to act like a mars rover and pick up blocks and make a stack of them.  Here we picked up Michael's toy truck and set it in the swing.  Josh did a lot of the designing and put together a good deal of it.  It was a pretty cool robot, and fun to chase Michael with.

I went with the kids and Josh's Grandpa to see him compete.  It was nothing like this robot...

But it was still pretty cool!  Unfortunately the little "hand" part of it (the part that was holding Michael's truck) stopped working about halfway through the competition.  So Josh's robot ended up pushing blocks to the other robot to stack.

Josh won a rock-paper-scissors battle and we now have the robot sitting on top of our entertainment center (since there is really no other place to put it).  Having this over with has relieved us both so much!!  Then I remember he has to build a race car engine for his senior project next year...wish him luck!

Magic age is 6?

I read an article that said 3 kids is the most stressful amount of kids.  Even four or more kids aren't as stressful.  I thought this was interesting and read the comments on the article.  A lot of them agreed 3 was stressful.  Some with more kids tried to state that after 3 they just relaxed more and stopped needing everything to be perfect.

Now I believe this to a point.  But I see something else.

If you have 3 kids, and the average age between them is two years, then you have kids that are 4, 2, and newborn.  IF you wanted a 4th you would consider it when they were 5, 3, and 1.  From the study and comments most people don't consider it.

Now assume you had that 4th child.  You have a 6, 4, 2, and newborn, but something seems easier?  It didn't make sense to me until I realized this has to do with the age of children. 

6 years old.  What does that mean to most Americans?  School aged kids.  If your kids are 2 or more  years apart then your 4th would be born when your 1st is in school, 5th when the 2nd starts school, and 6th...wait, who has 6 kids these days??

So the reality is that once you have more than 3 kids it will feel like you only have 3 because the oldest will be in school.  Well, at least for 8 hours during the day.

There are a few other things to consider.  At 6 you start extracurriculars (you can start earlier but most kids are in something by this point), so right after school you're off to ballet or basketball.  Once you have a 6-year-old they listen better, so you're not as stressed out with that child as with the 2-year-old coloring on the walls.  Also, what if you do have more and more kids.  7 kids at two years apart are 12, 10, 8, 6, 4, 2, and newborn.  Unless the 4 oldest are all boys you will probably have one girl who would love to hold the newborn all day.  The 8, 6, and 4-year-old can probably keep each other entertained.  While you do have to worry about all of them, they entertain each other a lot more. 

So from all of my thinking and rationalizing it seems like the magic age is 6.  If you can survive until your oldest is 6 then adding another one will be hard, but a lot easier than adding #3 was.  I'll admit a lot of this is my personal thinking, but there is some logic to it.  If I ever get to the point where I want to add #4 I need to re-read this just for the logic of it and see if it is total BS or not!

Homeschooling

Lately I've thought about homeschooling.  I've made a pro's and con's for possibly homeschooling through elementary school. 

Pro:

• My kids can learn more of what they want.  I would follow a curriculum, but if they really enjoyed learning about Greek myths then we can spend extra time on it.
• School is a waste of time.  When I was in school there was so much down time.  We usually were told how to do our math and then had an hour to do it while the teacher helped anyone who didn't get it, but we were encouraged to ask our neighbors before going to the teacher (but told that we couldn't talk to each other about anything not math related).  I didn't develop my love of reading until probably high school, so during that down time I did nothing.  There were days where the teacher would read books to us after lunch.  We weren't required to do anything but listen, we were even told to sleep if we wanted to.  Some days I came home feeling like so much of the day was wasted.  Most programs I've looked into are 3-4 hours a day max. 
• I can control what they learn about.  This isn't some power trip.  I can gauge my kids better than other people.  I can tell if they are really ready to learn something or not.  I can tell if they are ready for health class or not, not the average maturation program at 10.  When I was in 3rd or 4th  grade we learned about the eyes.  Eyes make me queasy.  I've gotten much better, but that day I sat at my desk with my head down ready to throw up.  The thought of something happening to someones eyes still make me a little sick.  I would be fine with my kids telling me that this really isn't making them feel good and I could stop.  It could be the same with war, or reading To Kill A Mockingbird.
• They can be a little sheltered.  Now sheltering your kids isn't always the best thing, I know.  I would like to wait until they are ready to learn certain things, not just force the world on them.  Sheltering can cover everything from swear words to the truth about Santa Claus.  Now I'm not saying they will always be naive, you hear every swear word on tv now and the news is full of things to keep kids in the real world.  But I'd like to not explain at the age of 6 that the "F" word shouldn't be said.  I'd like to save that until maybe 9 or 10.  I want my kids to be kids a little longer
• I can still provide the extracurriculars.  We can still have something similar to recess like going to the park.  We could even stay at the park longer than 15 minutes (is recess still that short?).  They can eat lunch and then go outside if they want, or play inside.  We could do music lessons during the day.  We could meet up with other homeschoolers for some social interaction.  Field trips could happen once a week instead of twice a year.
• They won't have excuses for some of the things kids today "need".  I will still buy my kids decent clothes, but they don't have to be Abercrombie Kids.  They probably won't ask for that stuff because they won't see it as much.  They also won't need a cell phone, or whatever will be the new thing in 5 years.  I used to teach piano and one of my students that was in Elementary had a cell phone....I thought it was ridiculous.  Why would they need a cell phone?  I'll know where they are, they will know where I am. 

Cons:

• They could be weird.  I say this in the nicest way, if it can be said in a nice way.  They might not have the social interaction they need.  They might end up too sheltered.  They might be scared of the real world (even though I think homeschooling could prepare you for the real world better than high school).
• They need to learn discipline (and respect).  I worry that as their parent I can't teach them this as well as a teacher.  However, some teachers do things out of fear, not respect.  Like threatening the principles office instead of talking to them and teaching them respect for others.
• Would they listen to me?  My mom tried to teach me piano once....horrible idea.  On the other hand, would this make it so they would listen to me more?
• Would they need to go to school for just a week to understand what school is like so they can sit and do what we need to do?  Or can they just pick it up out of nowhere?  Do they see it enough on tv to get an idea?  Do I just sit them down one day and say we are starting school today, so we will be sitting here for the next 2-3 hours.  I'd have a mutiny on my hands.
• Can I maintain my sanity?  I would like to think so.  Reading Charlotte's Web and going over spelling words, showing them pictures while teaching a history lesson, making human skeletons out of paper with the bones on them, and doing math flashcards sounds like an awesome 3 hours with my kids, leaving the rest of the day free for going to the zoo, the park, the store, field trips, all of the sports they will want to do, and hopefully some play-dates. 

I really want to try, but I'm nervous mostly about my kids being weird thing.  I know in Utah kids can go to middle and high school part time to take advanced classes or extra curricular's, so that might work.  They can also play sports for the schools.  So maybe by doing that they won't be so awkward?  It's finding the perfect balance of everything. 

I also know what curriculum I would use with my kids IF I ever did do it. 

Maybe I could try just through pre-school first, but preschool is $$.  If it doesn't work then they can go to school the next year and not worry about me ever trying to actually teach them again.

They should be sleeping...

Michael and his buddy Noah should be taking a nap right now.  They are both in Michael's room, Noah in a portable crib.  They ARE NOT sleeping.  I put them down a half hour ago.  Instead they are banging on the walls as hard as possible and laughing. 

Is it cute?  Yes.  Is it funny?  Yes.  So what could be wrong?  Everything!!

Okay, that was a little much, but they needs naps.  Their morning nap was only an hour.  They spent 45 minutes talking to each other and alternating crying.  I went in a few times to try to rock one, but the other got mad and threw a fit.  So I finally gave up and decided they could cry it out.

When I first had Elli a few people said I should put her and Michael in the same room.  I can honestly say that would be the worst thing ever.  Elli takes shorter naps and much more frequently.  All of the toys are in Michael's room too, so Elli would be sleeping and Michael would want to play.  Plus Michael can open the door to his room.  Elli still wakes up 3-4 times a night and would wake up Michael.  So no more room sharing.  Ever.