Things that only happen when I run

I've started running again here and there.  When Elli has woken up 5 times during the night and I have to work, or worked the night before I just don't make it.  Since Elli wakes up 5 times every night that's not really an excuse, but I'm still using it. 

On the days I don't have the energy to rationalize not going and finally get my butt outside I've noticed the following happen:

• I like waking up, after the run of course.  When I'm rolling out of bed every day around 6:30 I really just want to go back to bed.  After I run I'm happy I didn't make Michael cry it out until 7.  It's also easier to forget that Elli woke up at 10, 12, 2, 4, and 6.
• I like taking cold showers.  Josh will greatly appreciate this because normally I use up all of the hot water for the rest of the day.
• Dishes get done.  When I get home I shower then put kids down for naps, but I'm too wired to go to sleep, so I usually clean.  Or in this case blog.
• Michael is extra cranky after his nap.  Well it couldn't all be good.  He usually didn't get out the energy he needed to before his nap and is now groggy and hyper.  Usually he is crying as he runs head first into walls and doors.  Then he cries harder because he got hurt.  When I try and pick him up or kiss him better he screams.  I think I need to stop at a park on the way home, but Elli usually doses off a little and wakes up whenever I stop pushing.  Maybe I need to figure something else out.

Unfortunately I don't have extra energy.  I don't see the results.  I don't feel the results, except sore feet and knees.  Hopefully that will change soon, you know, when I'm not gasping for air like I've been drowning and hanging on to the stroller for dear life.

Perfectionism

I'm an all or nothing kind of person.

I want 10 kids or 2.

I want to start 3 quilts, two cross-stiches, and a painting project all at once, not just one at a time.

I will deep clean the whole house, or nothing will get done.

I will make a healthy, fancy dinner, or Josh makes dinner.

Why am I this way?  I blame it on being a perfectionist.  If it's not perfect I really don't see the point.  I get these big ideas in my head about how I can manage everything perfectly and dive right in.  I mean, why put my name on something that I know isn't great?  Yup, I agree with you, poor Josh. 

This will never, and I mean NEVER change.

In a way this is what I love most about myself (not my brutal honestly, which I hate most about myself).  While I procrastinate things that I know I can't do perfectly at the time being, they will get done, and as close to perfect as humanly possible.  A lot of times I take on too much.  Sometimes I end up overwhelmed, or I have to put something away for a while (which has happened to too many of my sewing projects), or sometimes just take a step back and refocus.  In the end I am always happy.  There might be a little stress involved but at least it ends up perfect.

I would like to add that Josh read this post while I was typing it and starting laughing at the truth of it all.  He would like to add more of my crazy perfectionist tendencies, but I thought it made me sound a little too crazy....so I'll leave the list as it is.

Memorial Day

Yesterday we decided to pay a visit to some of our good friends in Logan.  After the long drive we took Michael to the park for a while to get out all of his energy. We had the most authentic Mexican food (yes, in Logan) at La Tormenta.  Then we went and took some pictures around the tabernacle.  It was a fun little holiday for us.

Do you see Michael running away in the background?

We would only go back to Logan for our amazing friends!

Photo A Day 5/20 - 5/26

5/20

Just reading upside down...and backwards

5/21

 Her favorite toy

 5/22

 5/23

Michael decided he wanted to ride in Elli's carseat

5/24
Michael can do the puzzle by himself now, if only we could find the diamond piece

5/25

See that crazy long tongue?

5/26

Surprised in the tub

4 months and counting

Elli turned 4 months old yesterday!  We have a sweet, happy little girl who is growing like a weed!

She has started to laugh and started an attention cough.  She has continued to roll over more and more and has sat up for at least ten seconds on her own, but I still have my hands hovering around her just in case.  On top of all of this she is starting to reach for toys, unfortunately Michael likes to take them all away from her.

Our two kids seem to really love each other.  Michael is constantly giving her hugs and kisses.  When she's crying he will pat her head, try to hold her hand, or grab the nose suction and try to stick it up her nose.  Just cute!

She has started sleeping a little bit better.  Luckily for Josh she has started taking a bottle with less fuss.  Overall she is growing up in every way.

Newborn

Elli is curled up on my lap sleeping her baby days away.  She is 2 days away from being 4 months old.  She has been rolling over for a while now and can sit up by herself for at least 10 seconds.  She  smiles and laughs now.  I look down at this cute little girl and realize she is quickly outgrowing being my baby.  Soon, but never soon enough it seems, I will be holding another precious newborn in my arms.  Until then all I can think about is how fast she is growing.  Soon she will be just like Michael. 

Soon Elli will hide my kitchen utensils.  Kick the walls when I put her down for naps.  Ask for 50 'nanas' a day, and I'll reluctantly give her 5.  Soon she will throw my contact case at me when I'm in the shower, then flush the toilet until the water is burning hot, and sometimes rip off her clothes and jump in.  She'll throw toys in the toilet.  She will find every roll or toilet paper and kleenex box and rip everything to shreds.  She will discover a love for hiding things.  She will discover saying the word 'dada' thousands of times a day will sometimes mean mom will drive the 30 miles to his work so she can see him during lunch.

Some of these things I hope she learns, others I can do without.  Okay, all of them I can do without, but I love when Michael does them so I will love when she does them too.  Either way, she is no longer a newborn, and hasn't been since she rolled over almost two months ago.  Or since she stopped sleeping 16+ hours a day.  Or learned to respond to her name.  Or started spinning herself around on her tummy. 

People have asked me lately when we are going to have another baby.  Most of them are joking because they think we were crazy to have these two so close together, but I think some are genuinely curious (they probably think we are crazy too).  The answer to that question honestly hurts me a little bit.  I already want another baby.  Josh does too, although he wishes Elli would sleep better first.  At the time being we can't have another baby, but we would in a heartbeat (well I guess 9 months worth of heartbeats).  There is a lot of laughing and tons of smiles around here all day, and I would love to have another one to join in.  Until then I'll try to hold on to my baby girl as long as possible.

Little Miracles

It's no secret things have been a little tight for us financially.  We didn't expect my maternity deductible to not cover Elli.  We didn't expect to get a bill from Michael's birth that the insurance we had back then should have paid for.  We didn't expect to take Elli to a Cardiologist.  We didn't expect our cars to keep breaking down.  Yes, life is full of the unexpected, but at some point you just look up to the sky and ask for a break.

To be completely honest it's made me really angry.  Elli was supposed to come to our family when she did, Josh and I both know that.  So then we were left wondering why everything seemed to keep hitting us when we were down.  It felt like a slap in the face to really feel like we were told to have a baby and then be thrown all of these bills.  These bills weren't the difference between us not going on our yearly vacation, these bills meant I had to get a job at night.

On top of that Josh saw firsthand that his former job has no future.  He had another year as a co-op, but there were four others who graduated this year who didn't have jobs with the company and only one had found another job.  One of them was going to Boise to live with his family and mow lawns to support his wife and baby.  He was offered a Co-op job somewhere else that is a pay-cut, but has a future.  He had to take the pay-cut and get out while he still had a chance.

Once it all adds up it has been a little too much to bare.  When we were at our breaking point a few little miracles happened just to help us out.

First, our neighbor gave us her double jogging stroller because they are moving and don't want to pack it with them.  I've wanted a double jogger so I can take both kids on walks or go to the park.  I had an opportunity to get another one for free but I would have had to replace the wheels.  This one is in great shape and has been wonderful so far.

Then my grandparents bought us some diapers that were the perfect size.  How my grandma knew exactly what size my kids needed is still a mystery to me.

Recently my aunt moved to Colorado.  Her moving truck was a little small so she couldn't fit everything.  When it came down to it she couldn't fit her small couch.  Josh and I gave our couch to some friends when we left Logan, but we had nowhere to store it until we moved into this apartment (and it wouldn't have fit in here anyways).  We've been using Elli's rocker and a desk chair for the last two months.  She graciously offered it to us and we took it right away.

Lastly, the neighbors who are moving gave us a huge bag of baby girl clothes.  They are in their mid-thirties and are not having any more kids, so they passed on a bunch of good stuff (and tons of baby shoes!).

Things are still tight, and they will be for quite a while, but it's nice to know we got a little help.  Sometimes a small win here and there can help when you feel on the losing side of a battle.